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Just Don't Eat at Salt Bae's Restaurants If You Suffer From Sticker Shock

By Stephen Douglas
Salt Bae.
Salt Bae. / Mark Thompson/Getty Images
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Twitter is again discussing the prices at Salt Bae's restaurants after someone posted this October 2019 receipt from the Miami location of his Nusr-Et franchise. In December 2019 police were called to the same location because a diner did not want to pay for the $1,000 "golden tomahawk" steaks that he claims he did not order. This is apparently a monthly occurrence in Miami. My humble suggestion would be to not dine anywhere that sells a $1,000 steak, but as someone who recently came into $1,400, I do wonder how much a flight to Miami costs right now...

So let's talk about this bill.

Look, this is ridiculous from the first line item. If you and five friends visited this restaurant and ordered these things and you were not prepared to pay a large sum of money each, you are the type of person who might deserve to part with your money. You're going to a restaurant with no prices on the online menu in this economy? Get real. There are pictures of the menu which clearly show prices so there is really no excuse. This dinner was littered with rich person bullshit.

Johnny Walker Blue Label? Stop right there. Three different things they ordered had the word gold in them. They ordered two dozen oysters. Two orders of king crab legs which are expensive anywhere. Two orders of prawns, which is like French for "more expensive shrimp." Meat sushi? That's not a thing.

#SaltBae passion? First, I'm not eating anything with a hashtag in it. Second, I'm not eating anything with someone's passion. And yet, putting spaghetti in quotes is still the most disturbing thing on this bill. Why is it in quotes!? What does that mean?

It's like looking through the mortgage details for Joe Pesci's beach house and saying, "Holy crap! $60,000 for My Cousin Vinny memorabilia? This is shocking!" You knew what you were buying when you showed up there.

So it's a fun thought exercise I guess. What if you were forced to go to the gaudiest restaurant in an expensive city and order blindly as if you don't have any idea how money works? You'd have to make some tough decisions that wouldn't actually be tough because, well, you know nothing about how money works.

My favorite reaction is from people balking at the price of the Sprite or the inclusion of the service charge as if that's not something that happens at much more reasonable establishments. Don't spend $5k on dinner if you can't swing the $1k tip. In fact, just avoid places like this altogether if you're actually going to be shocked by the price of anything. For my sanity, if for nothing else.

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