Free Ideas, Vol. II
By Kyle Koster
The trailblazing Larry King invented Twitter before Twitter. He penned hundreds of genre-bending, norm-busting columns featuring scattered thoughts separated by thee dots. That DNA has always been part of The Big Lead's helix via the morning roundup. But resurrecting the art form has long been a personal passion of mine. For over a decade, I've made public threats about bringing a version of it back. Yet the trepidation of allowing readers to see the truly unfiltered stream of consciousness always won out. No longer.
Some of these thoughts are decent. Others probably stink. That's alright. They are free. You didn't pay for them. Build upon them or don't.
Off we go ...
Here are some Free Ideas ...
Is it really the Lost City of Atlantis if people stopped looking for it ... Isn't it ironic that Bunnicula was himself a colorful character ... We should stop saying "nature is healing" and start saying "nurture is healing" ... A club called Cloud 10, which is just a bit better than Cloud 9 ... Steve Kornacki should have his own brand of dress pants called Kornahkis ... Worldwide Pants should also offer him a show ... A dark, gritty Sesame Street movie dealing with a serial arsonist called St. Elmo's Fire ... A food pyramid scheme is one that feels healthy at the time ... It took Dorothy three clicks to get home but now we have a homepage ... Turn the first four Slaughterhouses into Airbnbs ... Make all the Bridges out of Phoebes ... Isn't it beautiful when you realize your children are your security blankets too ... Guys named Max make the best NBA agents ... The Alan Parsons Project has lasted longer than any of the foreman ever thought ... Chocolate Combos ...
Guster should play a concert someplace where it's really windy ... A Jimbo Fisher coaches Texas A&M while a Jumbo Fisher is an orca whale ... The Not Stove League is where you find the latest Borat rumors ... A gym for ants in case they want to lift 51 times their body weight ... A whale-watching expedition with LL Cool J called Deep Blue See ... Pete Rosè wine ... A donut-flavored drink called Hole milk ... Chia Pets for dads that gradually lose their hair ... A Jurassic Park-themed retreat for lawyers called Dino NDA ... Single-shot deodorant spray machines in bathrooms called The Pit Stop ... An investment pyramid scheme called Goldman Stacks ... A TikTok show called Easily Solved Mysteries ... Airlines should offer special sleeping-only flights where everyone can spread out on the floor of a converted C-17 ... Basketball referees must hate Gulliver's Travels ...
A sharp knife with the other side of the blade made for spreading butter ... A streaming service where users can listen to director's commentary from other users on any movie ... A Rilo Kiley Minogue supergroup ... An Ocean Spray-owned band that sings about cranberry juice called the Peetles ... A strand of marijuana that leaves you slightly paranoid and looking over your shoulder called Willie Haze ... A baseball team that makes all its decisions based on John Fogerty lyrics ... A choose your own adventure book where every choice leads you to the same conclusion as an admission we're all ruled by fate ... A collection of 311 albums preserved in amber ... A rec hockey league where some gets iced after each icing infraction ... A religious video game system called Sintendo ... Airpods that can be used as cufflinks ... A restaurant where the price is determined by how quickly you get your food ...