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Five Potential Destinations for Andrew Luck

By Stephen Douglas
Andrew Luck
Andrew Luck / Justin Casterline/Getty Images
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There have been rumors circulating this week that Andrew Luck may come out of retirement. Pat McAfee broke down some text messages on Tuesday, suggesting they may have no basis in reality. Since then, nothing has surfaced to suggest otherwise. In fact, on Thursday, Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay spoke to Chris Widlic of FOX 59 in Indianapolis and said that he wished it were true, but it is not. Via FOX59:

"“I’ll tell you this, Chris, and to all Colt fans,” said the Colts’ second-generation owner. “I think everyone just needs to digest this fact that he’s more retired now than he was a year and a half ago. I mean, he is retired. “Only Andrew knows of course because it’s his decision, but I can only say that he definitely is retired, and there’s really no wiggle room or rumor or anything as much as people would like to hear that. Believe me, I wish it was true and I was hiding some announcement that we could release two days from now, but that’s not the case.”"

That is disappointing because the Colts need a quarterback and Luck, a four-time Pro Bowl quarterback, is just turning 32 this year. So where will Luck go now? Here are five possible destinations.

Grocery Store

This one is obvious. Andrew Luck has a wife and child to feed. He also eats. Probably. That means the Lucks need food. Where better to get it than a grocery store? While they are raising a one-year-old, they probably still find time to create a menu for the coming week and have a detailed shopping list. It's the exact kind of thing you would expect from a guy who will treat every trip to the store with the attention and preparedness he gave the Colts on Sundays.

Local Public Library

Luck loves to read. He was the unofficial team librarian when he was playing for the Colts. As LeVar Burton taught us, you can fly twice as high as a butterfly in the sky if you just take a look, it's in a book, visit your local public library because reading is fundamental.

Living Room

Look, all work and no play make Andrew Luck, well, as boring as Andrew Luck sometimes seems he is. If Luck needs to some time to unwind he can head to his favorite chair or spot on the couch and watch some movies or binge some television. Maybe he's the kind of guy who gets to his scene in Parks & Rec and just watches it over and over, grinning about how awesome he looked nailing his two lines and delivering a perfect pass to Chris Pratt in the end zone.

Hardware Store

Do you think Luck would go to a big-box retailer or support a locally owned hardware store? He seems like the kind of guy who might like to hang around and shoot the sh*t with his fellow guys being dudes, talking about the latest Binford tools, but he might also might like walking around those cavernous aisles. Either way, he retired and if he's going to be around the house all day, his wife has a list of things that need to be taken care of.

His Home Office

What if the person behind all the Luck rumors is actually Luck himself? He has all this time on his hands. He's in the age range where he would be chronically online. Maybe he's on Reddit saying he saw himself at the local high school football field playing catch with TY Hilton. Doctoring text messages to make it look like his cousin's wife's best friend's co-worker heard he "had an itch to scratch." You saw how mean he was to Jerry in that Parks & Rec clip. Who knows what else he's capable of. And Colts fans want this guy back? Insanity.

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