Amazon's Thursday Night Football Ratings Will Dominate the NBA and MLB Tonight

“Thursday Night Football” Season Kickoff Party Hosted by Amazon Prime and Prime Video
“Thursday Night Football” Season Kickoff Party Hosted by Amazon Prime and Prime Video / Jon Kopaloff/GettyImages

It is a huge night for sports fans. FOX has the pivotal Game 5 of the World Series between the Philadelphia Phillies and Houston Astros. The NBA will broadcast the Denver Nuggets and Oklahoma City Thunder on NBATV. And the NHL has a full slate of games available on ESPN+.

None of that fucking matters because it's a god damn sports equinox which means there's an honest-to-god NFL game on tonight so the rest of those sports should probably just fake rain delays the way that MLB did when they postponed Game 3 to avoid going head-to-head against the Cleveland Browns and Cincinnati Bengals.

Does it even matter who is playing tonight? Nope. Why? Because the NFL is 👑 . Will the game tonight be competitive? Probably not. It's the undefeated Philadelphia Eagles and the hapless Houston Texans. It is literally a game that no one cares about and no one actually wants to watch. And it's a pain in the ass to see it because it's on Amazon Prime. But none of that matters. Did you see the crown earlier in this paragraph? Nothing stops this train.


All these other unimportant sports are coming at the king tonight. And they are going to miss. One simply does not walk into Mordor and expect to get more viewers than Sauron. Why would anyone watch hockey or basketball or baseball when they can watch football on a streaming service? It just makes no sense.

When the final numbers come out tomorrow, or a week later if Amazon gets around to it, the NFL will certainly have the biggest audience because people love football. Every Sunday networks get to brag about the biggest audience since three years ago when another football game was also watched by a bunch of people. And every time we get to take a victory lap because we helped build that number. We, the fans of football, watched football. lt doesn't matter how good it was or if anything else was happening. It was on and we watched it. And that's something worth celebrating.

Especially compared to the pathetic little numbers put up by other sports. Sports who have the unmitigated gall to broadcast games in similar time slots. When will they learn that football rules and other stuff drools? Maybe it will be tonight. They've been warned!