Internet

You Have to Be a Dad to Have a Dad Bod

Kyle Koster
Timothy T Ludwig/GettyImages
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Brooks Koepka and Jena Sims just got back from a trip to the Bahamas, which must be nice. The website BroBible has comprehensive coverage of the jaunt, zeroing in on the angle that someone commented about the shirtless Bros, including Koepka, having dad bods. And while this may be true in some cases, it's an important jumping-off point for a long-brewing dialogue about something of upmost importance. It's a strong belief and, in my eyes, the only acceptable one to hold.

Dad bod is no longer an insult. They are so in style right now. Body positivity for dudes. What took so long? Obviously a welcome development. But bad things happen when decent people stay silent. I simply cannot sit idly by and watch guys who aren't dads steal valor. Or appropriate dad bod culture despite not having the same responsibilities that come with having children.

It may not be popular, yet a poster in my 6th-grade classroom armed me with the knowledge that what is popular is not always right and what is right is not always popular. Sorry, everyone. You have to be a dad to have a dad bod.

Sure, you could say that, like Sandals Jamaica, it is a state of mind. You'd be wrong, but you could say it. Dad bods are the authentic result of being far too busy to exercise outside of mowing the lawn and carrying kids' carseats. They are the result of waking up in the middle of the night to give a bottle and helping yourself to several handfuls of potato chips since you're up anyway. There are no shortcuts to a dad bod. Laze around all the time, drink beer and relax your gut all you want. Just know that you're not part of our group.

It's too bad no one has had the courage to be honest about this issue before. It probably sucks to find out this way. The truth can be hard to process.

All is not lost. This is America and one has believe that, if they wanted to, millions of lumpy guys could get together and come up with a more accurate term for the childless dad bod imposters. Getting your own thing will be best in the long run. We are all, after all, on the same side of ideal fitness.

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