Yardwork: The Mets Are Undefeated

Mets 1, Braves 0 — Johan Santana pitched five scoreless innings of two-hit ball. Is he back? That would be nice, I kind of feel for the guy. Not only did he go to the Mets during one of the most depressing stretches in franchise history, but he’s also had to deal with endless injuries. Frank Frank offered up a flawless ninth inning, which is probably something I won’t be able to say again this season. Savor this flavor while you can, Mets fans.

Tigers 3, Red Sox 2 — Former Yankee Austin Jackson hit a walkoff single off of former Yankee Alfredo Aceves, who relieved former Yankee Mark Melancon. It was not the finest hour for this duo, as their performance was about as appetizing as a heaping bowl of pubes.

Blue Jays 7, Indians 4, 16 innings — This one went 16 innings because the Indians decided to give up three runs in the ninth inning. It was a fitting debacle for what should be another rotten season. It was the longest opener in history, but who gives a shit when we have Toronto’s triumphant uniforms to look at.

Nationals 2, Cubs 1 — Here’s the final line from “closer” Carlos Marmol: 1 IP, 2 H, 1 ER. Aaaaaaand we’re back.

Reds 4, Marlins 0 — Buehrle pitched a pretty nice game (7 IP, 2 ER), but the bats were silenced by the magical Johnny Cueto. Jose Reyes is off to a nice start in his new threads — he’s 3-for-8.

Dodgers 5, Padres 3 — Good news: Dodgers win. They’re 1-0 under Magic’s touch. Here’s Matt Kemp: “It was kind of cool—right when I came back from hitting the home run, he stuck his head in the dugout and said, ‘Nice job, kid,'” Kemp said. “I was like, ‘Hey, it’s Magic Johnson right there, man.’ It’s good to have him around and good to see him. That was a little motivation right there. I was pretty pumped up for that. It was a good day all around. Good W.” Bad news: Clayton Kershaw’s tummy hurts.

All other teams remain at a record of 0-0. Some of them will get the opportunity to play today, marking the fourth Opening Day of this already storied season.