Yardwork: Ramon Hernandez Pulls a Joe Randa

Yankees 6, Tigers 3 — The story on sports radio today will be a nauseating gushfest over the flawless 7-8-9 trio of Joba, who looks ridiculously heavy, Rafael Soriano, and of course, Mo. It’s one game, but trust me, the Yanks now just need their “stah-tuhs to go six” and they’re going all the way. This will continue to be the story for at least another 24 hours because these two teams don’t play again until tomorrow.

Braves 2, Nationals 0 — The Nationals lineup is kind of amusing. Could Jayson Werth’s contract prove to be more embarrassing than Barry Zito’s? It’s obviously early, but this could be a fun trainwreck to follow.

Angels 4, Royals 2 — Mike Socicia used five relievers. The problem is, it’s not 2002. Gonna be a long year for the Angels. For those of you that picked them to finish first, take a look at this batting order. Disaster. If they don’t finish last, it will be one hell of a story.

Padres 5, Cardinals 3, 11 innings — Chris Carpenter went seven innings, gave up two hits, two runs, and the Cardinals lost. Additionally, their closer, Ryan Franklin, has already introduced the world to Albert Pujols in his undies, lost his Twitter account, and blown his first save opportunity. I picked them to finish fourth for a reason.

Dodgers 2, Giants 1 — Timmy threw seven scoreless and the defending champs are still staring at 0-1. Daunting. Even worse, their only offense came off the bat of Pat Burrell. This, of course, will define their season. I kind of feel like the first three weeks of baseball should be discussed without mentioning the scores. Just let everyone shake it out and then reconvene in May and start getting serious.

This isn’t real, is it?

[Photo via Getty]