Two Guys Who Avoided Mock Drafts Put Together a Mock Draft

Chase Young.
Chase Young. / Justin Casterline/Getty Images

The belief that this here is a safe space may ultimately prove to be a grave miscalculation, but here goes nothing. Though one would figure, as aspiring sports personalities ourselves, it'd be near impossible not to have mock draft consensus seep through osmosis into our brains. And yet here we are, days away from the NFL Draft and without the general shape of how it's going to go available for instant recall.

Blame it on laziness or a combined several children under the age of five. It's just the situation right now.

So what would happen if we tried to do a mock draft without looking at the assorted cheat sheets. Well, something like this. Picks are alternated and trades on the board, though only with franchises also under that person's control.

Okay, this got a bit weird. In no way should this be used as a guide for the events during the draft.

1. Cincinnati Bengals

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Joe Burrow: You don't need to read a mock draft to know that the future of Cincinnati football is going to be in small, but capable hands. He's been the pick for months and it is just a matter of time until the Bengals make it official. If ever there was a gimme in a mock draft, this is it. - SD

2. Washington Redskins

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Chase Young: Despite some heavy interest from the Los Angeles Chargers to trade up and take a quarterback, the Redskins choose to stand pat here and welcome in the most talented player on the board to shore up the defense for years to come. -KK

3. Detroit Lions

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Jeffrey Okudah: I promise this is the last pick that I have seen floated multiple places. The Lions apparently want a defensive back and Okudah is the best one on the board. - SD

4. New York Giants

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Tristan Wirfs: Dave Gettelman loves the flashy early picks but now, with his appetite satiated, he can address a weak spot with the enormous Iowa product. -KK

5. Miami Dolphins

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Tua Tagovailoa: There is talk the Dolphins could trade up, but if the real NFL Draft goes anything like this one then their franchise QB will still be sitting there at #5. Not bad considering he was a possible #1 pick not so long ago. - SD

6. Los Angeles Chargers

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Justin Herbert: The organization can talk until it's blue in the face about Tyrod Taylor's upside but there's no way they mean it, right? He simply can't be the long-term answer. How does one not take a swing on a potential new franchise quarterback? -KK

7. Carolina Panthers

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Isaiah Simmons: A franchise quarterback for a rookie head coach would be nice, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards. Instead they can take a stud defensive player who could have an impact for a decade. - SD

8. Arizona Cardinals

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Derrick Brown: A physically-imposing anchor for a defensive line which the team may need. Who knows? - KK

9. Washington Redskins (via trade with Jacksonville)

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Jedrick Wills: Washington can trade Trent Williams and get a younger, cheaper lineman in exchange. And the Jaguars get a left tackle to protect Gardner Minshew. - SD

10. Cleveland Browns

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Grant Delpit: You know what's a fun thing to say to get a reaction? Say someone other than Burrow is the best LSU product on the board. You don't even need to mean it. -KK

11. New York Jets

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CeeDee Lamb: Sam Darnold needs a weapon and Lamb is one of the many very good wide relievers in this year's draft. - SD

12. Las Vegas Raiders

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Jerry Jeudy: Jon Gruden falls head over heels in love with This Guy Right Here. Now, if only he had a quarterback who could reliably get the ball into his hands. - KK

13. San Francisco 49ers

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C.J. Henderson: The 49ers could really use a quality defensive back in case they run into one of those high-powered Super Bowl-winning offenses. - SD

14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

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K'Lavon Chaisson: Surely this is the last player from the national champions to appear in the first round. No man -- even Coach O -- should have all that power. Stocked with plenty of weapons surrounding Tom Brady, the Bucs set their sights on the other side of the ball. - KK

15. Denver Broncos

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DeAndre Swift: The Broncos just seem like they always have a ton of running backs. - SD

16. Atlanta Falcons

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Mekhi Becton: There's been some red flags with Becton. He likes to eat, cook, and get nervous about drug tests. On the other hand, what college kid doesn't? - KK

17. Dallas Cowboys

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Javon Kinlaw: With many high-paid offensive superstars, the Cowboys need someone to play defense. Kinlaw is a defensive player. Perfect fit in my opinion. - SD

18. Green Bay Packers (via trade with Miami)

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Henry Ruggs: Aaron Rodgers is in desperate need of reliable targets and Ruggs can be that game-breaking option. Henry Ruggs is also the name I use to check into hotels on the road so my many fans don't pester me. - KK

19. Las Vegas Raiders

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Patrick Queen: Another LSU Tiger? That must be all of them. And now Jon Gruden has one in this alternate draft universe. - SD

20. Jacksonville Jaguars

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Kenneth Murray: A funny thing for 30 Rock to do would have been to imagine Kenneth the Page as a former stud walk-on from Tennessee who comes to life in the office's flag football league. The Jags pick a different guy with that name - KK

21. Philadelphia Eagles

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Justin Jefferson: If I recall correctly, Carson Wentz was left with 4 tight ends and a cardboard cutout of T.O. by the time last season ended. - SD

22. Minnesota Vikings

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AJ Epenesa: Fun fact: the Vikings appreciate a good tattoo, especially if it depicted memorable pillaging. The Iowa pass-rusher seen above has a cool one. Great fit. - KK

23. Miami Dolphins (via trade with New England Patriots)

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Xavier McKinney: With every LSU player drafted, the Dolphins must turn to lowly Alabama. - SD

24. New Orleans Saints

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Andrew Thomas: Trying to imagine becoming a draft guy and coming up with different things to say about offensive lineman. Those guys are heroes and the human version of Thesauruses. - KK

25. Minnesota Vikings

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Tee Higgins: Minnesota needs to replace Stefon Diggs and Higgins has a similar last name, which makes him a perfect fit. - SD

26. Miami Dolphins

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Josh Jones: The Dolphins sure are active. They need offensive line help and pass-catching help. They'll address both, in the order I say. Book it.

27. Seattle Seahawks

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Yetur Gross-Matos: Russell Wilson does it all on offense so there is no need to draft anyone on that side of the ball. Gross-Matos can take Jadeveon Clowney's spot without annoying half as many people. - SD

28. Baltimore Ravens

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AJ Terrell: Seeing Terrell's sweet No. 8 jersey makes a guy wish the NFL would throw uniform rules to the wind and let defensive backs wear single digits. Who can make this happen? - KK

29. New England Patriots (via trade with Tennessee)

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Jalen Hurts: Belichick's masterpiece. After acquiring multiple picks from the Dolphins earlier to trade out of the first round, they use some of those picks to trade back into the first and grab the future of the franchise. - SD

30. Miami Dolphins

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Chase Claypool: Is this guy a first-rounder? If not, I hope he appreciates the opportunity to be online, ever so briefly. - KK

31. San Francisco 49ers

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Clyde Edwards-Helaire: OK, that's the whole state of Louisiana. The 49ers are completely retooled and ready to match the Chiefs for four quarters. - SD

32. Kansas City Chiefs

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Jeff Gladney: How great must it be for a draft pick to go to the Super Bowl champion instead of a few picks later to a team that went 2-14 or 3-13. Talk about winning the lottery. -KK