The Onion Bag: Will Diego Maradona Be FIFA's Last Candidate Standing?


Heck of a soccer midweek. Robert Lewandowski scored five goals in nine minutes. Barcelona got throttled 4-1 by Celta Vigo. What will the weekend provide for an encore?

FIFA Is The Mafia…  FIFA’s reform from within process is going swell. FIFA held an ExCo meeting. The ExCo, in a shocker, punted on the Ethics Committee’s request to reveal the names of memstrongers under investigation. FIFA then astrongruptly cancelled a press conference with Sepp Blatter. Run of the mill ostrongstructionism? Nope. Blatter, it turns out, was strongusy strongeing interrogated and having his office raided strongy Swiss authorities.

Blatter is being investigated for “criminal mismanagement” and
misappropriation” of funds. Named in the report is UEFA President Michel Platini who purportedly received a $2m payment from FIFA in 2011, months before an election where he opted not to oppose Blatter. Not sure whether that was among Platini’s aforementioned skeletons.

As prominent FIFA personnages continue being implicated, everything seems to be coming up Diego.

So Long, Farewell… Liverpool have taken just two points from its last four EPL matches, including a 3-0 loss at home to West Ham. The Reds have scored just four goals so far this season. Brendan Rodgers, out of ideas, has not been fired yet. Carlo Ancelotti and Jurgen Klopp are the rumored replacements. Liverpool fans have been reduced to trolling John Henry’s wife. One wonders whether John Henry ponders in earnest how Fenway Sports Group’s combination of math and marketing prowess has not won all the Premier League titles yet.

Almost Umbrella Time… Newcastle are winless and 19th in the Premier League table, ahead of last-place Sunderland on goal difference. At midweek, they lost 1-0 in the League Cup at home to Sheffield Wednesday, 14th in the Championship. Steve McClaren admitted the club is “very close” to a crisis. Ownership insists the club is not panicking. If it’s raining against Chelsea on Saturday, be afraid.

Arsene on the Brain… Chelsea beat Arsenal 2-0 last week, maintaining their brilliant record against the Gunners in the league. Jose Mourinho still has Arsene on the Brain

"“I think in this country, only one manager is not under pressure,” Mourinho said. “Steve is under pressure, I am under pressure, Brendan [Rodgers, the Liverpool boss] is under pressure, [Manchester City’s Manuel] Pellegrini is under pressure. “We cannot lose matches, we cannot be below expectations. There is one that for some reason is outside that list. Good for him.”"

Dude, Stop Asking Pep About the England Job…

" Nächster Nationaltrainer Englands? Von diesem Gerücht will Pep nichts hören… #ssnhd — Sky Sport News HD (@SkySportNewsHD) September 25, 2015 "

Cristiano Ronaldo Instagram Of The Week

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Soccer On TV


Spurs vs. Man City [Sat. 7:45am, NBCSN]
Manchester United vs. Sunderland [Sat. 10:00 am NBCSN]
Leicester vs. Arsenal [Sat. 10:00am USA]
Newcastle vs. Chelsea [Sat. 12:30pm NBCSN]
Watford vs. Crystal Palace [Sun. 11:00am NBCSN]
West Brom vs. Everton [Mon. 3:00pm NBCSN]


Barcelona vs. Las Palmas [Sat. 10:00am beIN]
Real Madrid vs. Malaga [Sat. 12:15pm beIN]


Werder Bremen vs. Bayer Leverkusen [Sat. 9:30am, FSP]
Hamburg vs. Schalke [Sat. 12:30pm, FS2]
Eintracht Frankfurt vs. Hertha Berlin [Sun. 9:30am, FS1]
Borussia Dortmund vs. Darmdstadt [Sun. 11:30am, FS2]


Napoli vs. Juventus [Sat. 2:45pm, beIN]
Genoa vs. AC Milan [Sun. 6:30am, beIN]
Torino vs. Palermo [Sun. 9:00am, beIN]
Inter vs. Fiorentina [Sun. 2:45pm, beIN]