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If You Love Cemeteries and the Raiders, The House For You Exists in Baltimore

By Stephen Douglas
Typical Raiders fan.
Typical Raiders fan. / Tom Pidgeon/Getty Images
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If you drive by 228 Townsend Avenue in Baltimore, Maryland, you might notice a cross peaking over the top of the garage from the backyard. You might think, wow, whoever lives there must be quite religious. If you see 228 Townsend Avenue in Baltimore, Maryland, on Redfin, you might realize actually, whoever lives there loves the Raiders and death. Seriously, this is one of the most bonkers, well-kept homes you will ever see for sale online.

As you click on the third image from the slideshow, you will immediately realize a serious Raiders fan lives there. Framed, autographed Tim Brown, Ken Stabler and Jack Tatum jerseys are hung right next to the front door and a black-and-white motif is obviously apparent. Bo Jackson and Howie Long jerseys appear in the fourth slide, but you also realize that is a picture of a guillotine on the wall. It's not until a few slides later when you confirm that there is a coffin in the corner of the living room that the true insanity of this house snaps into focus. From there, you just have to admire what they've done with the place.

There is a huge bar in the living room with a huge television hanging behind it. To the side, two little girls hang in a picture. On the front of the bar there's also a flat screen. It really does look like a great set up to watch football on Sundays, even if you probably have to jump over the bar to make yourself a drink.

The updated eat-in kitchen appears to feature newer appliances as well as a glasstop Raiders kitchen table. The listing doesn't say if the seller will be taking that with them, but in the current real estate market, assume everything is negotiatble.

A quick trip up the stairs, past the cobweb-designed railing, to the one bedroom which features a black church pew with red throw pillows for a nice pop of color, and find a comfortable bed with many great views... of the television. Also, there are plenty of mirrors.

The basement could be considered finished as it has carpet, a wall-mounted television and two recliners that seem to say, Joey and Chandler's ghosts live here.

Amazingly, things get darker as you enter the beautifully maintained, fenced-in backyard on a sunny day. According to the description:, "A covered 14-foot stone wet bar with granite pillars that includes a double built-in cooler is like going on vacation in your backyard." Find out that the wet bar has a giant sign saying CEMETERY and cemetery gates and one of the coolers is also labeled "CEMETERY GATES" when you go on the tour. You also might want to ask about the permanency of the headstones. And the back of the hearse above the bar. The CRYPT on shed is also a nice touch.

In conclusion, this house rules. This is exactly what I want my home to look like from September 15th to November 1st every year. It's like if Al Davis had adopted Avenged Sevenfold and they grew up to host the afterparties for the company softball team.

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