Everything Will Be Very Old by the Time Fernando Tatis Jr.'s Contract Ends in 2034

Division Series - San Diego Padres v Los Angeles Dodgers - Game Two
Division Series - San Diego Padres v Los Angeles Dodgers - Game Two / Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Fernando Tatis Jr. signed a 14-year contract with the Padres worth $340 million this week. This will keep Tatis Jr. in San Diego through the 2034 season. Or at least on some team's payroll. Honestly, who knows where any of us will be that far into the future?

For example, 39-year-old former actress Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex and wife of Prince Harry, will be in her 50's with two kids. Sorry, two teenagers. Their cousin, Prince George, will be old enough to drink. In America. And not to get too far ahead of ourselves or spoil Netflix's The Crown, but by the time Tatis hits free agency, their uncle might be King of England.

But why are we talking about that? How will baseball look in 2034? Well, we now know that there are at least two people who will definitely collect a paycheck from an MLB team that year: Fernando Tatis Jr. and Bobby Bonilla.

Yes, Bonilla, who will be SEVENTY-ONE-years-old when the Mets pay him his next to last million dollar payment, is currently the only person GUARANTEED to get paid by an MLB franchise a year later in 2035. We probably haven't heard of the first person to have an MLB salary guaranteed in 2036 yet. Seriously. Look at current MLB contracts and find the next person to get signed through 2036.

And who will be around to cover it? Peter Gammons will be approaching his 90th birthday. Bill Simmons will be 65. Jayson Tatum will be 20. Guys like Jon Heyman, Ken Rosenthal, and Tom Verducci will be in their 70's. Jeff Passan will be 55.

Former wrestler, Predator victim, and Minnesota governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura will be 83. He was sworn into office two days after Tatis Jr. was born. The same day that Ventura was sworn in, two days after Tatis Jr. was born, the first BCS National Championship Game was played with Tennessee beating Florida State in the Fiesta Bowl. That system for determining the college football champion lasted 15 years, which is one year longer than Tatis's new contract.

So what about college football? Alabama and Virginia Tech will meet in the first game of a recently announced home-and-home series. A 71-year-old Jim Harbaugh will still be inspiring posts, columns, articles and tweets about whether or not Michigan should fire him. If he really is still at Michigan in 2034, he'll be approaching Bo Schembechler as the winningest coach in Wolverines' history. Also, Tom Brady will be as old then as Harbaugh is now.

Bill Clinton's impeachment trial began on January 7, 1999, five days after Tatis Jr. was born. What number impeachment will an 88-year-old Donald Trump be fighting by the time Tatis' deal runs out? Or will Don Jr., in his second or third term, put this all behind us and make Tatis a National for life?

Green Day's Dookie will be 40-years-old. As will the debut albums of Weezer, The Notorious B.I.G., Oasis, Method Man, Outkast, Nas and Korn. Remember Kanye's Graduation album? It's that long until Tatis is a free agent.

As for TV shows, Friends, My So Called Life, The Critic, Babylon 5, All That, and Party of Five will all be 40-years-old. You know how long ago The Sopranos ended? Well, that's how far we are from the end of the Tatis contract.

The Karate Kid, Footloose, Gremlins, This is Spinal Tap, Amadeus, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Beverly Hills Cop and Purple Rain and The Terminator will all be 50. Five years before the Tatis' contract ends Skynet will send the T-800 back to 1984.

So really, who knows what the world will look like by the time this contract ends? We could still be talking about how great the 90's were or it could be post-apocalyptic. Fernando Tatis Sr., who then had an 8-year-old son, retired at 35. Will there be a Fernando Tatis III and how close will he be to the majors by then? Hopefully, we're all there to find out.