Let’s face it, lots of stuff in this world would have turned out differently but for that injury. The following are undeniable facts, so go with it.
NICK SABAN DOESN’T WIN FIVE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS (AND COUNTING) AT ALABAMA
Look, it’s undeniable that but for the injury, Nick Saban would have acquired Drew Brees to come to Miami as his quarterback, Brees would have chosen the affable Saban as his coach going forward, and it would have had a ripple effect throughout sports history.
Nick Saban doesn’t leave Brees to go to Alabama a year later, and doesn’t win five national championships and completely dominate college football. Les Miles is widely recognized as the greatest coach in college football. Bill Belichick retired a couple of years ago because he was tired of losing to his former protegé in the division, and was calling a random Monday Night Football game on October 8, 2018, widely recognized as the best color man in the industry and a refreshing breath of fresh air after stepping away from the sidelines. Drew Brees steadily put up efficient 4,000 yard seasons in Saban’s ball control offense, which has dominated the direction of the league. The Wildcat never happened with Saban and Brees in Miami, and “college plays” are a derogatory term among NFL coaches. No one knows what an RPO is.
THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS DON’T WIN A SUPER BOWL, MOVE TO LOS ANGELES TO PLAY IN A SOCCER STADIUM
Much like George Bailey, Drew Brees would get to glimpse at life without him in New Orleans. The city does not recover from Hurricane Katrina and have a sports team that inspires and galvanizes the region. The Super Bowl victory in January of 2010 never happens. After playing in San Antonio during 2005, they take on games elsewhere, agreeing to be the team that goes to London every year. When teams maneuver over Los Angeles, the Saints are allowed to move West to save the franchise, and get to play in a soccer stadium. Yeah, I know that sounds unrealistic and no team would ever do that. Never mind.
OPRAH WINFREY DOESN’T STAY RETIRED
Without a Super Bowl win for Drew Brees in New Orleans, there is no appearance on Oprah soon after. Yes, Oprah Winfrey had announced she was walking away from her TV show the following year. But we’ve seen plenty of entertainers and athletes change their mind after a short absence.
That is, until Oprah mistakenly tries to wipe Drew Brees’ birthmark off his face thinking it is lipstick. That incident confirms to her that she has lost her fastball, and she walks away for good in May of 2011.
FAKE NEWS DOESN’T BECOME A THING
If Drew Brees is not in New Orleans, then a fake news story doesn’t emerge back in 2013 that Brees has been injured severely in a car accident. Yes folks, Drew Brees was the impetus for the fake news craze that emerged two to three years later, taking over Facebook. Brees immediately came out decrying the fake news in the wake of that rumor, and we lost our online innocence. Not everything you read on the internet, as it turns out, is true.
DONALD TRUMP NEVER RUNS FOR PRESIDENT, PRESIDENT TED CRUZ NEVER TWEETS
If Drew Brees doesn’t sign his big deal to move to New Orleans, he doesn’t go hob nob with Donald Trump and Stormy Daniels in Lake Tahoe. Brees denied being there, but either way, someone bearing a strong resemblance to Brees, with lipstick on his cheek, was there to impart inspirational words to the billionaire and reality star.
Just as we saw with Brees delivering emotional words last night to his sons, Brees (or his doppelganger) talk about how anything is possible. Donald Trump takes that to heart and runs for President years later.
Without Brees being there, Trump never takes that leap, and our President is Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz’ Twitter account tweets out corny jokes once a month, and we have live in blissful ignorance.
THOSE TIP AMOUNT SUGGESTIONS ON CARRY OUT TRANSACTIONS NEVER HAPPEN
Five years ago, Drew Brees made the 24-hour news cycle by leaving a $3 tip on a $74 carryout order. This was back in a simpler time when most of us assumed that if you drove somewhere to pick something up, you didn’t have to tip as much as if it was delivered to you or you sat down and got service for 40 minutes.
Now, you show up to pick up your carryout order, and the screen has suggested tip amounts. Coincidence? I think not. Without Brees’ public shaming for tipping on carry out, the tip 20% on everything movement doesn’t have it’s Poster Boy.
PHILIP RIVERS DOES NOT HAVE EIGHT KIDS
Philip Rivers is currently saying eight is NOT enough when it comes to children. But with a healthy Brees staying in San Diego, and Rivers career earnings being put on hold, they decide to slow down. The recession hits, Rivers saves his money, and they make do and decide that they are satisfied while raising their six kids in Jacksonville.
PEYTON MANNING IS GENERALLY RECOGNIZED AS THE BEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL-TIME
Without Drew Brees and Sean Payton together to go for an onside kick and rally to beat the Colts, Peyton Manning wins a second ring after the 2009 season. Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, meanwhile, are slowed down in automatically moving into top two in the AFC every year by competing with Nick Saban and Drew Brees. Peyton Manning retires with five MVP awards, three Super Bowl rings, and every passing record, and they will last for far more than 1,000 days. Manning is almost universally recognized as the best quarterback of all-time, and does not have to make his own wedge salads.
THIS ARTICLE NEVER GETS WRITTEN
Inspired by Drew Brees overcoming all odds and taking over in New Orleans and completely changing the course of history, I decide to start writing blog posts under the tag “JKL.” That, in turn, results in eventually turning this into more than a hobby and joining The Big Lead in 2010, in the aftermath of Brees winning the Super Bowl.
Without Brees, this article never gets written, pointing out all the ridiculous things that might not have happened but for Drew Brees. Your gain.