NFL Podium Fashion: Brandon Marshall's Don Draper Hat and Daryl Johnston's Jacket

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One of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to expand that all-important personal brand is at the postgame podium, where answering bland questions can also double as an opportunity to showcase their fashion sensibilities and personality to millions of fans and #brands across the globe.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it does NOT. These are their stories.

Unfortunate BYE Weeks

Kirk Cousins, Sam Bradford, Blake Bortles, and… the Bills

No, I do not like that Kirk Cousins won’t be part of this week’s festivities following such thunderous momentum last Sunday. But maybe, just maybe, the emotional fella needs a little downtime to decompress. Then there’s the absence of Sam Bradford, a guy clearly in desperate need of some alone time. Blake Bortles also won’t be making an appearance. What we do know is that he’s somewhere in the Jacksonville area clad in a Jaguars sweatsuit, with team logos painted on his cheeks. Oh, and the Bills were off. Guessing you didn’t hear many complaints about that one.

Tom Brady

One of the stark differences between Tom Brady and everyone else is his ability to seamlessly change it up. It’s always a different approach. Additionally — and this is crucial: Do you see how Sir Thomas is not wearing an undershirt? Yeah, that’s how it done, guys. If you unbutton your shirt, you cannot have your Hanes undershirt making an appearance unless you’re in 6th grade. (Cc: Aaron Rodgers)

Cam Newton

Not a whole lot to be said here other than this is a flawless look. Simply put, Cam Newton is on point and taking over. If his tailor isn’t getting free tickets to his personal suite on a weekly basis, Cam should be traded to Tyler Chicken. Today.

Andrew Luck

Andrew Luck’s transformation into a serial killer is nearly complete. All it took was 12 interceptions in six starts. And to be honest, I don’t care for your demeanor right now, Andrew.

Brandon Marshall

Whenever you’re included among the likes of Don Draper and John Wayne, you’re doing something right. Now obviously no one wears it better than Mr. Draper, but Marshall looks the part and has certainly earned a seat at the boardroom table. He can replace Pete Campbell.

Here’s a full look at the outfit.

Jim Tomsula

Well this is awkward. And the 49ers didn’t even win! Impressive.

Jay Cutler

Jay Cutler in his favorite velvet smoking jacket and a casual button-down. We’d be getting greedy if we were to ask for anything more. Although a mustache would be nice. After all, it is November.

Colin Kaepernick

As a 49ers fan, the only thing I’m hoping for each week is for Colin Kaepernick to wear a suit. Because then we get that weird bug thing created by his headphones and tie. The only problem is, I’m already running out of affable cartoon mosquitos to use.

Matt Ryan

Good lord, someone get this man a towel. In fact, make it three. Matt Ryan has the worst poker face in the history of the NFL. You don’t need to know anything about the game to know exactly what happened.

Aaron Rodgers

Coming off a BYE week, I guess Aaron Rodgers found some time to pick out something to wear that you wouldn’t put on to mow your lawn or clean the gutters. Hell of an improvement.

J.J. Watt

Thankfully the microphone is covering up Officer J.J. Watt’s other erect nipple.

Matt Slauson

Matt Slauson doesn’t need to tell everyone to keep this one short. His brooding eyes are doing all the driving here. No problem, big fella. Nooooooo problem.

Peyton Manning

I wouldn’t say I love this jacket, but it’s pretty smooth. The key here is that the stripes are light enough so it doesn’t look like orange chalk. It also marries well with Broncos branding. Peyton Manning thinks about everything.

Derek Carr

This is the second week in row where Derek Carr has draped himself in team colors for his postgame press conference. And it’s a great look too. Fashion conscious AND a team guy? What a pro.

Matthew Stafford

The Lions are now 1-7. Can you tell? This is just outstanding symbolism. Though if I were Stafford, by now I would be speaking at the podium in a banana suit with a completely straight face.

And I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. Everyone loves JIM BOB COOTER.

Jimmy Smith

This is a massive improvement over the see-through shirt Jimmy wore a few weeks ago. And yes, that giant gold chain costs more than the car you drive.

Ben Roethlisberger

The chances that Big Ben takes a shower after the game? 11%.

Andy Dalton

Anyone else notice that Andy Dalton’s hair reaches new heights with each passing week? Perhaps a loss would serve the undefeated Bengals well. On the plus side, no bacon-neck t-shirt this week. A vast improvement.

Eli Manning

Eli Manning has it all going on for a change. The suit is tailored perfectly, he’s ditched the conflicting patterns — probably because he got sick of them arguing with one another — and he nailed it with the tie knot. However, he is still Eli Manning. Much like A-Rod and Joe Flacco, there has never been a normal looking picture taken of him.

Russell Wilson

Seattle has been confusing and hard to predict, but Russell Wilson has pretty much owned the podium all season. The battle between Russ and Cam Newton for fashion supremacy in the NFC will go down to the final week of the season.

Alex Smith

I’ve pretty much ignored Alex Smith all season long and he’s only here this week to show you why he’s been ignored.

Teddy Bridgwater

Young Teddy has been making a serious push towards the top of Mt. Fashion lately, which is hard to believe considering what we’ve seen in the past.

Daryl Johnston

I’ll make this one strongrief, Daryl: STOP playing with chalk. It’s immature and, quite frankly, ridiculous. UPDATE: Thanks to the great @cjzero, we have a cleaner photo of Moose’s suit. Polka dots on the shirt, a striped tie, and a jacket that looks like a fence made of cloth. Please read that sentence again and then hit yourself over the head with a sizzling frying pan.

Jameis Winston

There’s something goofy about Jameis Winston that reminds me of Manny Ramirez. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if the Smurfs theme song was continuously playing in his head. Nice suit, though.

Trumaine McBride

Trumaine McBride had a 29-yard fumble recovery TD, and that’s great. However, the main reason he’s here is due to his discombobulated headphones as well as the man at left, who is having the time of his life.

Zach Mettenberger

Zach Mettenberger was sacked seven times. Yikes. I get the sense that Zach doesn’t enjoy playing for the Titans very much. Then again, I get the sense that Zach doesn’t enjoy anything.

Drew Brees

Let’s skip the podium for Drew Brees because this is downright filthy. I would also like to take this moment to thank this man for saving me in my survivor pool. You sir, are a hero.

Joe Flacco

Joe Flacco scratched his nipple this week. Sadly, this is considered growth for the Ravens QB, a guy who so often looks like a caveman that was dropped on earth yesterday.

Ryan Tannehill

I can’t figure out Ryan Tannehill. One week he’s dressed like he’s going to a Pearl Jam concert, the next week he’s dressed to the nines in a $5,000 suit.

Geno Smith

Very uninspired. Makes perfect sense to me.

Odell Beckham

Once again, just look at Odell Beckham’s hair. It’s the best in the NFL. So tell me, how does this delightful dude not get podium privileges? It’s not as if he was invisible yesterday. We’re all being blatantly robbed of a Hugh Hefner bathrobe and a cigar.

Jason Lisk?

Our very own Jason Lisk has finally made his fashion debut! I’ve never seen such life in his hair. Definitely a case of The Dalton Effect. He even has the Dual People’s Eyebrow going.

Bonus Round

I thoroughly enjoy when official team accounts jump outside the box a little. It’s a long day. Having fun is the only way to go.

Lots of shenanigans in London. What can I say, KC Wolf likes to party.

These Steeler uniforms are so ridiculous it’s hard to believe they’re actually real and not from The Longest Yard or Necessary Roughness.

 

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