NFL Musings, Week 2: Chip Kelly Hyperbole; God was a Browns, Jaguars & Raiders Fan on Same Day

Week 2 concludes tonight with Colts-Jets. It started with a wild one in Kansas City. Get ready for overreaction week, because 2 is the new 1. Every week here, we’ll take a look at some of the biggest surprises, cool info, and interesting stories from the action.

CHIP KELLY AND THE EAGLES OFFENSE WAS BAD, BUT COME ON

Chip Kelly’s rushing game got grounded. The Eagles–and more specifically new de facto GM Chip Kelly–acquired DeMarco Murray and Ryan Mathews to replace LeSean McCoy. Guard Evan Mathis wanted a bigger contract; he got released and was replaced on the line by journeyman Allen Barbre. The Eagles yesterday combined for 7 rushing yards; Sam Bradford had 9 of them.

The Sam Bradford Experience is off to an inglorious start. This is not exactly the St. Louis Rams’ Bradford who occasionally saw the field over the last few seasons. The completion percentage and yards per attempt are still way up, but so are the interceptions (four in 89 throws is double his career rate).

As the offensive debacle continued, everyone weighed in, it seemed. Perhaps most vocal–or noticeable since he was the one calling the game–was Troy Aikman.

Troy Aikman declared it “about as poor a performance as I’ve seen in this league.” He then sold it to the national audience as being “terrible football.”

I’m not here to sell you that it was good. It was possibly the low point offensively for the Chip Kelly era in Philly, and certainly was the low point as far as rushing production (the game started by Matt Barkley was probably worse from an offensive standpoint, but we tend to forget those games, and that was more forgivable.)

But let’s dial back the hyperbole just a bit. I swear, we collectively have the memory of an ant. Since 1989, which coincides to the year that Troy Aikman entered the NFL, there have been 844 different games where a team scored 10 or fewer points, had less than 226 yards of total offense, and lost the game. That includes five Troy Aikman rookie games in 1989, and 18 total for Dallas between 1989 and 2000.

The worst offensive performance in a NFL game in Troy Aikman’s NFL lifetime? I don’t think there’s much debate that it was the Cleveland Browns’ return to the NFL in 1999. I mean, that game featured two first downs all game for Cleveland. Tim Couch prophetically claimed that it would be all uphill from there for the Browns. Truer words were never spoken. It’s never again been that bad.

Then again, the rushing game numbers were historically bad, especially grading on the Chip Kelly curve. It’s one of the ten worst in Aikman’s NFL lifetime. Then again, this one is close. It featured two Hall of Famers, one going for six yards on 15 carries, the other getting called for a safety on an intentional grounding to start the game, and 10 total first downs. That was a lot of hits ago, though, Troy.

And while there was much questioning Chip Kelly’s genius, I’ll also point out that Philadelphia is still in the top 5 in scoring since Kelly became head coach (the Eagles were tied for 2nd with the Patriots and behind only the Broncos entering yesterday’s game). There is a huge gap between the top 5 and the rest of the league over the last two years and two games. Those other teams have been quarterbacked by Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Aaron Rodgers, and Tony Romo. The Eagles have done it with a combination of Michael Vick, Nick Foles, Matt Barkley, Mark Sanchez, and Sam Bradford.

Philadelphia has work to do. The interior line is struggling to get the running game going. Bradford looks shaky when forced into those obvious passing situations. The team still needs some big plays. Kelly the coach has been pretty good and the jury is still out on Kelly the GM. But let’s not bury the Eagles yet. It was a bad day. Most coaches don’t draw the moth to the flames like Chip Kelly does.

Chip Kelly needs to just come out and say “we’re on to the Jets.”

REVEL IN THIS TOGETHER JACKSONVILLE, OAKLAND, AND CLEVELAND FANS

The Eagles’ loss got all the hyperbole. Given relative expectations, the worst loss was taking place at the same time to the south, with the Dolphins going on the road and coming out flat defensively. Allen Robinson broke out for over 100 yards and two touchdowns in the first half. Ndamukong Suh joined the Miami defensive line and was supposed to create a dominating group. Blake Bortles had been sacked 60 times in 15 games; he was not sacked yesterday. He averaged over 8 yards per attempt for the first time in a start, and threw no interceptions.

Meanwhile, Johnny Manziel is the new Tebow  hero we deserve. He completed 8 of 15 passes, hitting two bombs to Travis Benjamin for 110 of his 172 yards on his first and last pass. In between, he didn’t do a lot, got away with taking two sacks that resulted in fumbles recovered by teammates, and then made a play again when the outcome tightened up late. Oakland, meanwhile, took advantage of a Baltimore team that seems to be reeling defensively without Terrell Suggs, and were able to go on a final drive and also put up over 30 points on the Ravens, dropping them to 0-2.

[Related: Johnny Manziel Threw a 60 Yard Bomb on the Opening Pass]

The Jaguars, Raiders, and Browns have won the fewest games in the AFC over the last eight years. It’s been a rough stretch. Here’s a crazy one for you: before yesterday, the last time God was a fan of the Jaguars, Raiders, and Browns on the same weekend? December 5, 2010. Game of Thrones had not even aired a single episode yet.

PITTSBURGH STEELERS DOUBLE DOWN ON GOING FOR 2 AGAINST 49ERS

On a day when Chip Kelly was taking a beating, it was a different coach who opted for the old Kelly college strategy of going for two after the first touchdown. Pittsburgh went for 2, converted, then after another, went for 2 again, and converted. Another touchdown put them up 22-3, and they opted for the 33-yard extra point. Josh Scobee missed it.

Revolutionary, sign of things to come? Or another option: the Steelers’ staff knows their stadium, and we should expect more 2-point attempts at Heinz Field than anywhere else. Heinz Field is probably the toughest stadium to kick in, and Pittsburgh does not have a veteran kicker who has plenty of experience kicking in it. Over the previous decade, visiting kickers were only 24 of 30 on kicks of between 30 and 36 yards. Home kickers were 42 of 45 (92%), but those consisted of 5 years of Jeff Reed followed by 5 of Shaun Suisham. Overall, kickers were 88% at Pittsburgh, below the average. (Overall, teams are 139 of 148, 93.9%, at extra points this year). Add in a pretty good offense and it makes some sense to maximize points in Pittsburgh.

As a brief promotional aside, check out our weekly preview podcast and game picks every Thursday afternoon. We talk to special guests (Kevin Clark last week, Mike Florio in week 1) and then break down games. Among this week’s games, I talked about how I thought the 49ers had played an emotional opener at home where everyone doubted them, but loved Pittsburgh in this one.

TOM BRADY AND THE PATRIOTS OFFENSE IS ROLLING

Goodness. One thing I was wrong about was how much Tom Brady could put up on the Bills’ defense. It didn’t shock me that New England won (they were a slight favorite, and well, it’s the Patriots), but the manner they did so was boggling. Buffalo spent all week making deflation jokes and then got blown up on Sunday. Brady finished with 59 pass attempts and 466 yards in a game where the Patriots led pretty much the whole way. This was against the same defense that completely shut down Andrew Luck last week for three quarters.

[Related: Danny Amendola’s Diving Catch was Spectacular]

Is it motivation from all the offseason stuff? I can’t buy that as a narrative, because then you have to accept as part of that premise that Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and company, weren’t trying their best at other times. They are just rolling, and the same team that got on a roll through December and January has continued into this season.

HOW LONG WAS THAT HOUSTON-CAROLINA CLASSIC?

The Texans-Panthers game did not go to overtime. The score, 24-17, was a decidedly average score in the NFL. Yet, it finished in 3 hours and 40 minutes. The New England-Buffalo game, which had 72 total points and a lengthy delay for the Aaron Williams’ injury, finished at roughly the same time. (Houston did lose Jeff Adams to a leg injury and there was a few minute delay there). Only one of the ten early games–and I’ll try to avoid a rant on that imbalance yesterday–finished in under three hours (St. Louis-Washington).

It was probably the dueling QB superheroes that caused the biggest delay.

MATTHEW STAFFORD GOT BEAT UP IN MINNESOTA

Matthew Stafford got X-Rays yesterday, and we await word, though presumably it was on his whole body.

The Vikings bounced back after laying an egg when no one was watching on Monday Night at midnight. This team will compete all year, if they can follow this formula and not be a Jekyll-and-Hyde team on the road (or when the opponent doesn’t have a Hyde).

THE NO-HUDDLE ATTACK

Cincinnati 24, San Diego 19: Cincinnati always plays better when I don’t watch much of the game. The streak continues.

Arizona 48, Chicago 23: David Johnson followed up last week’s 55-yard TD reception with an opening kickoff return. Chicago hung close but once Cutler threw the pick-six and got hurt in the process, the rout was on.

Tampa Bay 26, New Orleans 19: Along with Miami’s loss to Jacksonville, RIP your survivor pools. Also, in case you missed it:

Atlanta 24, NY Giants 20: Let’s check in on how it’s going in New York.

Meanwhile, my pick to win the NFC South is looking good, and Julio is in domination territory.

Washington 24, St. Louis 10: I called for a potential letdown for the Rams, who were only the third team in the last 20 years to go from winning as a home dog in week 1 to being favored on the road the next week. In a week with 10 games at the same time, this is the only one I did not watch (it was bumped off the main 8-game screen on NFL Game Mix and never really provided much drama). However, I did catch the back judge:

Green Bay 27, Seattle 17: I mean, I guess I have to say something about this one. Aaron Rodgers is the best. And where is Jimmy Graham?

[images via USA Today Sports Images]