Bean-related discourse has held an outsized portion of the public’s attention during the first week of 2021, which is an unexpected yet not wholly awful turn. Today’s main character is Rowan Atkinson, the puppet master holding the strings of the beloved Mr. Bean, a silent and silly blunderhead whose wacky exploits have delighted audiences for three decades.
Atkinson bemoaned cancel culture in an interview with the Radio Times — always the surest way to spark a three-day news cycle. More interestingly, though, was his candidness about the great burden of being Mr. Bean.
It’s true what they say. Heavy is the crown that sits on Teddy. The United Kingdom finds itself in assorted troubles right now and Atkinson knows the importance of his role, but did you know that much like the Royal Family, there must be a line of succession? There must always be a Bean. After 30 years of carrying the franchise, he’s more than earned the opportunity to step away should he wish to explore less important work.
If that were to happen, it would create a power vacuum and an all-out arms race to portray the essential character. This isn’t some throwaway Ian Fleming character. It’s an international man of mystery. Remember when he went to the U.S. and essentially ruined the life of that guy from Ally McBeal?
Movie stars from all over the globe will be vying to crack open the next can of Bean. We’ve taken it upon ourselves to create a list of 10 intriguing candidates to assume control of the hilarious character.
Tom Hiddleston: A strapping, action hero Bean that works his way out of awkward social experiences with brute, athletic force.
Tom Hardy: Already has a history an unintelligible fan favorite. He could also put on a mask and play Mr. Bean’s evil twin brother, Mr. Bane.
Idris Elba: With the caveat that he also play James Bond at the same time.
Phoebe Waller-Bridges: It’s long past time for a female Bean.
Andrew Scott: Hot Bean. This Bean screws.
Seth Rogen: With Evan Goldberg co-writing the new material we will get our first baked Bean.
Jeremy Renner: The press tour would be amazing. A permanently-perturbed Bean opens up a whole new universe.
Billy Eichner: An in-your-face Bean with a completely different intensity.
Sean Bean: A meta choice. A Bean that absolutely does not suffer fools, but does always die.
Dev Patel: An enlightened Bean. A true 21st Century man.