These New MLB Uniforms Are an Abomination

Tampa Bay Rays v Atlanta Braves
Tampa Bay Rays v Atlanta Braves / Todd Kirkland/Getty Images

Nike paid a Sean Parker-cool $1 billion to put its swoosh on Major League Baseball uniforms for the next decade and there's no real point in lamenting the creep of craven commercialism because one can only stem the rising tide of capitalism for so long before drowning. It's better to focus on something in the small-picture that has the possibility of actually being rectified. And, oh boy, have I identified an edit for the deep-pocketed brains at both Nike and Big Baseball to noodle on before 2021, if not sooner.

Make the damn home whites less see-through. I mean, good God, what are we even doing here? Times change and it's not the end of the world to see a gaudy logo like that on a baseball jersey. But making a garmet so thin and breathable that the undershirt is clearly visible is an anathema. It looks cheap as hell.

The problem is particularly pronounced on the Detroit Tigers' jerseys. It's a bit of a challenge to find pictures on Getty where you can clearly see the issue, but trust me: nearly every televised shot features the unfortunate intrusion.

Kansas City Royals v Detroit Tigers
Kansas City Royals v Detroit Tigers / Mark Cunningham/Getty Images

The Pittsburgh Pirates and Atlanta Braves have also been victimized, as will any team that has nice whites and dark undershirts.

Todd Kirkland/Getty Images

These are strong middle-schooler wearing a black Smashing Pumpkins shirt under his dress shirt to the Homecoming dance vibes. I can say that because, well, I've lived it.

Perhaps it's old-fashioned to expect some level of professionalism from our pro baseball uniforms. But it really wasn't that long ago that players took the field without giving an alluring look at what lies underneath a la Right Said Fred.

Nike can put whatever it wants on the uniforms as far as I'm concerned. Take risks. Break tradition. Get weird. Just, you know, maintain the integrity of a baseball uniform. Make it look expensive and not like something George Costanza noodled up without accounting for rain.