Michelle Beadle is a Vengeful Spurs Fan, In Addition to Making a Better Door Than a Window

Michelle Beadle is a San Antonio Spurs fan. (I’m not sure if she’s ever mentioned that.) On Sunday, she attended Game 1 between the Clippers and Spurs in Los Angeles. On Monday, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek post about Beadle being an annoying visiting fan obstructing the view of the hometown fans. Looking back, it was not over-the-top enough in its sarcasm, and thus, ineffective to those not familiar with my #brand of humor.

At first, I thought Beadle might have gotten the joke and been playing along.

Some of her followers clearly didn’t get it. A bunch of random Beadlephiles (That’s what Michelle Beadle fans call themselves, right?) on Twitter not being able to read between the lines of something with a headline as stupid as “Michelle Beadle is One of Those Annoying Visiting Fans,” is unsurprising, but Beadle, who hosts the television equivalent of a sports blog, surely got it.

Nope.

It wasn’t until her boyfriend, Steve Kazee, called me a moron that I realized that my original intent had been lost on most people.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Have you been called a moron by a guy halfway to an EGOT? I have. What’s worse is that Skylar Astin follows him. He might think that in addition to being the awkward bearded dude who held onto his leg while he tried to walk away at Stephen Curry’s All-Star weekend party so I could tell him how much I loved Pitch Perfect, I’m also a moron who doesn’t understand sports fandom.

This has turned into my worst nightmare.

And look, explaining to me the proper way to root for a team is not unreasonable. I don’t get what it’s like to be a real fan. As some of you may know, I’m but a simple man from Mid-Southern Upstate New York – the Flyover States of the state of New York. Born the child of a couple of simple kids who grew up on neighboring farms (no relation – that we know of), I never had the advantage of being geographically located near a major professional sports team. The only post-amateur sports I saw live and in person as a child were the Adirondack Red Wings – a minor league hockey team. Have you ever celebrated a Calder Cup? (The line for free chili at Wendy’s stretched down the street nearly two blocks. We might be too inside baseball again…)

So if you accuse me of not knowing how to properly root for a sports team, you’re right. When is the right time to go to the bathroom? How does one politely cheer without getting his car keyed by hometown fans? Should you be put on trial for doing the wave in 2009? I don’t have the answers to any of these questions. I’m just some dude – a moron if you will.

And maybe I’m just jealous that I didn’t have sweet seats for a my favorite team’s Game 1 loss in the NBA Playoffs. I just want to say I’m sorry that I lashed out at Michelle Beadle, a die-hard Spurs fan who isn’t that great at holding up signs. Hopefully, there’s one thing we can agree on – No one is jealous of someone with an obstructed view. #AntsyCuzTheyCantSee