Jared Lorenzen, Still Deftly Avoiding Sacks and Scramblin' Like a Champ

By Tim Ryan

This. Is. Outrageous.

I don’t care what weight he’s up to at this point, Jared Lorenzen can still move with the grace of a beefy gazelle.

This exceptional footage feels like one of the Marios from Nintendo Ice Hockey miraculously sprung to life, threw on pads, and immediately made an impact in professional indoor football. Now is it a sad state of affairs that Lorenzen can probably beat Peyton Manning in the 40-yard dash by 11 seconds? Yes. Yes it is.

Here’s a still of the big fella gettin’ loose before the game, which was apparently between Lorenzen’s Northern Kentucky River Monsters and the Bluegrass Warhorses.

On this special night, we are all Jared Lorenzen.

Oh, and here he is after the game apparently asking for some nachos.

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[via @JFeitelberg, @Ky1eSc0tt, @CengageNeal]