Jake Paul Will Fight a Retired Guy Twice His Age on Netflix at Jerry World

Amanda Serrano v Nina Meinke
Amanda Serrano v Nina Meinke / Al Bello/GettyImages

Jake Paul and Mike Tyson are going to box at AT&T Stadium and it's going to be broadcast live on Netflix. Has a more hilarious collection of words ever been written? Jake Paul. Mike Tyson. Netflix. Jerry World. Please. Look over here at the Avengers of outrageously pointless sports spectacle. You're God damn right there's a helicopter in the first promo video.

Well how else would you convey the pageantry and complete lack of substance if someone didn't arrive in a helicopter? Also, they didn't carve out a specific expense line for helicopters in the promotional budget if they weren't going to use some freaking helicopters.

The fight, which will take place in July, will test the very limits of how desperate you thought people, companies and buildings could be for relevancy. Paul, coming off two fights in the last few months that you probably didn't even hear about and definitely didn't care about, has hooked his biggest fish ever. Mike Tyson, 57, is maybe the biggest name in combat sports history. And if he's not then you can be certain that Paul will try to fight an AI version of Muhammad Ali next. Presuming he can't talk a 75-year old George Foreman out of retirement.

Tyson is literally twice Paul's age (plus a few years). Paul was five months old when Tyson bit Holyfield's ear. Tyson retired from professional boxing when he was in his late 30's while Paul was still in elementary school. Tyson was fighting tomato cans back then and the cans were winning. It's been 21 years since Tyson won a fight. His last exhibition fight against Roy Jones Jr., was a draw way back in 2020 when Paul was basically reinventing celebrity boxing. Beating the geriatric legend in front of his largest audience ever will be his masterpiece.

Rest assured it definitely will be his largest audience ever. Thanks to Netflix which is so desperate for live sports they'll air anything that sort of feels like live sports. Documentaries about race cars and golf. Exhibition tennis. Celebrity boxing. Just please stop watching Young Sheldon for a few minutes so that server can catch its breath and check out the highest brow sports offerings possible. And let the NFL know that they want that streaming playoff game in 2026.

And the location. Oh the location. If you were asked where this fight would take place you would probably say Las Vegas. The Sphere seems like a properly ridiculous venue for something like this, but it's just not big enough. Somehow, not stupid enough. Jerry World is the only choice because there are no Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders in Vegas. In Texas tens of thousands of can gather to watch this mess on a giant television when they've already paid $15 a month to be disappointed in the privacy of their own homes.

Everything about it is perfect. And perfectly dumb. No one asked for this, but everyone will get it. No one really wants this, but they'll pretend. The best part will be people convincing themselves that Mike Tyson is on a mission from God to put the social media star in his place. (Spoiler alert: He isn't.)

The only real question about this event is in what capacity will Snoop Dogg be involved? Will he perform or just sit ringside with Martha Stewart? Will he be promoting Tyson's edibles or Paul's NFTs? Whatever he does, like this entire event, it will be so epic. Let's just hope there's still room in the helicopter budget to get him there.