How Much Money Would It Take For You to Bare-Knuckle Box Mike Tyson?

Mike Tyson
Mike Tyson / Donald Kravitz/Getty Images

With no sports in our near (and perhaps far) future, finding ways to distract ourselves is of paramount importance while we remain quarantined. One Twitter user gave us quite the distraction when they asked if one would accept $2,500 in exchange for 15 minutes of bare-knuckle boxing with Mike Tyson.

The account did not set any parameters for this hypothetical, so I took it upon myself to provide some. The fight will take place in a traditional boxing ring. Nearly everyone reading this would be knocked out by Tyson's first punch, so let's assume you stay conscious throughout. Let us also assume that you will not die and you won't be permanently disabled, physically or mentally, after the encounter. You do, however, have to cover medical expenses for the injuries suffered, with the caveat being none of them are life-threatening.

Now that we have the scenario outlined, I'll start with the obvious: $2,500 is far, far too low. I don't think I would take $2,500 to eat a single punch from Tyson with gloves on, much less without and for 15 minutes. This blogger is not in good enough shape to consistently run around Tyson in the ring, and obviously not quick enough to avoid him in close proximity, so I'll be taking a lot of punches and will probably come away with a facial fracture and a handful of broken ribs at a minimum. We're talking months of recovery and likely tens of thousands in medical costs.

With all that in mind, I think the absolute lowest I'd go is $200,000. I can pay for all of my hospital bills, live quite comfortably while in recovery, and still have some left over for when I can show my face in public. Ideally, though, I'm taking home a cool half-mil to compensate for the emotional trauma of getting whaled on by Mike freaking Tyson for a quarter of an hour. Money can't buy happiness, but it can definitely soothe an injured ego, and also all of my other injuries.

Still, even saying it out loud, $500,000 seems low to box Iron Mike. I don't envy all the boxers who did so for far less back in the day, even with gloves.