Rep. George Santos won't seek re-election after a scathing House Ethics report dropped, which concluded there is “substantial evidence” the New York Republican “violated federal criminal laws,” including using campaign funds for personal purposes and filing false campaign reports. Included in the tome was an allegation that a $50,000 campaign donation was deposited into Santos’ personal accounts, with the funds then being used to "pay down personal credit card bills and other debt" and make unrelated purchases — reportedly including on OnlyFans, a subscription-based social media platform most commonly used for pornography.
The last part of that sentence is helpful for those who aren't familiar with OnlyFans. And there's nothing wrong with that because Santos himself only became aware of what they do over there a few weeks ago.
Appearing on Fox News' Kennedy today, Santos was asked if he himself had an OnlyFans page and if there's any truth to the idea that he can peel a banana with his feet.
Santos, dressed as a Willy Wonka superfan, laughed the horrifying imagery off, saying it'd been a mere three weeks since he learned about this crazy business. "I was oblivious to the whole concept," he said.
Kennedy, under her breath but not really under her breath, responded: "You just can't tell the truth."
Cable news is a great place to learn and confront ideas so arresting they can change the day's trajectory. Good luck not thinking about Santos crouched over, exerting a tremendous amount of sweaty energy trying to peel a banana with his bare feet. Once that picture gets in the brain, it'll never leave.