Game of Thrones: "The Laws of Gods and Men" Recap

By Stephen Douglas

We’re really starting to move now, which makes me start to feel very sad about whoever is not going to be around for Season 5. Oh well. Watching Game of Thrones is like owning a pet. You love them and have such fun while you have them but someday little imp of a dog is going to be gone and I don’t even want to talk about it right now.

(Minor note to Ommegang: Every single poison name from Maester Pycelle’s list should be made into a beer.)

That awkward moment when you’re waiting for a bank loan…

I just wish Ser Davos had sat on the Iron Banker Managers’ (That’s what they’re called, right?) desk and offered to “change their minds.” Dragons, zombies, mind-melding… the Iron Bank is somehow the most fantastical thing in this entire world. And much like everyone else, they are prone to going with whoever gives the best speech.

Ser Davos – His love of Stannis is wonderful. Especially when he breaks out the “He’s in his prime! He should be swingin’!” I just can’t wait for Stannis to lose the war – again – and Ser Davos gives him this talk. OK, I think this will be the last of the Seinfeld references.

Pirate Jokes – Arrrrrr not good in any world.

Yara Greyjoy – At the start of her raid, I had such high hopes for Yara and the ironborn. Reading the letter was motivating. I was ready for heads to roll. Turns out they are probably the rednecks of Westeros. Big on sword rights and bad ideas.

Reek – Kind of sad. Of course, when you meet your sister for the first time and try to pleasure her on a horse, things do get awkward. It’s understandable to try and avoid a long boatride.

Ramsay Snow – The darkest and craziest character on the show. I am actually kind of looking forward to see what he does next. I mean, he’s all sex and violence. Considering how uncomfortable and boring last year’s Ramsay scenes were, this is quite an accomplishment.

Dragons – The Lannisters’ dismissal of Dany’s dragons as “baby dragons” is the advanced statistics vs. eyeball test debate of Game of Thrones. DRAGOMETRICS? Right now the dragons are simply compiling stats against inferior opponents.

“Your dragons burned my goats!”
“Well, your kid threw rocks at my dragons!”

Missandei – She has to stand there and repeat Dany’s resume for like 16 hours a day.

Prince Oberyn – The more we see of this guy, the more I like him. He’s funny, smart and dangerous. Though he is kind of a wine snob. That could get annoying.

Mace Tyrell – Margaery’s dad is a hoot. A straight up hoot. If I could use one word to describe him it would be “bumbling,” yet somehow he’s on the doorstep of arranging for his daughter to marry her third king.

Varys – Unless everybody kills everybody else, I really don’t see how Varys becomes king. Though, everybody killing everybody else is a distinct possibility so maybe he ends up winning the Game of Thrones.

This trial has been a long time coming. And yes, this is Peter Dinklage’s Emmy nomination episode. Though can you imagine an 85-year old Emmy voter who has never seen Game of Thrones seeing the scene where the pirate is telling the joke about the brown pants? Dinklage was wonderful, but that’s probably not a good sign.

Having said that, every moment the camera was on Tyrion from the moment that Shae walked in was heartbreaking. Just brutal. All he wanted was to keep Shae safe.

How about this – We just pretend the brother-sister rape scene thing never happened and just like Jaime? Can we do that? Can someone go back and edit that scene out forever?

As for the final moments…

A trial by combat. The first time he got out of a trial for his life he asked for Jaime and Bronn stepped up. Can he have a champion? Will Tyrion have to fight for himself? Will Jaime have to fight Tyrion? Or Bronn? Could Prince Oberyn step up having smelled the bullshit? One of those four characters is probably going to die in the next episode. I guess I hope it’s Oberyn, but not really. I hate this show.

I’ll be on the Sporting News podcast with Bill Voth and Matt Lutovsky again this morning to talk about this week’s episode of Game of Thrones. My wife says I talk like William Shatner when I’m doing the podcast! You can listen to last week’s podcast here. I’ll update this with a link when the new one goes up. 

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