Game of Thrones: "Breaker of Chains" Recap

Stephen Douglas

RIP Ser Court Jester Dude – To think, I was just about to learn his name for future recaps.

Little Finger – Aiden Gillen’s accent and affectations have gone full theater kid on steroids. So he definitely plans to make Sansa into a miniature version of Catlyn, right?

Margaery – Who wouldn’t take a chance on that curse?

Tywin Lannister – Imagine you just got a new job. You show up for your first day and Tywin Lannister is there in H.R., ready to help you acclimate to your new position. The guy whose job you’re taking is still cleaning out his desk. “Do you know what makes a good accountant?” 15 minutes later your mother is crying and Tywin is explaining exactly how you’re going to bang the secretary across the street so that this merger goes through. Tywin is awesome.

Jaime and Cersei – In the first episode of the season, when the Lannisters changed their house words to “Not Tonight,” Jaime asks Cersei, “Not now? When?” I think he misread the nonverbal answer to that question. “At the foot of our incestual son’s open casket in the middle of church while a bunch of priests and our dad are right outside,” does not seem like the answer. Though with all those candles, I can see how the signals might have been mixed. Remember when everyone was kind of rooting for Jaime last season and he was sympathetic?

The Hound and Arya – I almost forgot that Arya only wants to kill her enemies because she can be so angry and badass. Meanwhile, The Hound remains a realist. And a jerk. He’s still awesome though.

Sam and Gilly – *Yawn* This coupling is worse than Joey and Rachel. Sam’s plan to make sure nobody bangs Gilly is to put her to work in a whorehouse. The economy in the north obviously doesn’t provide many job opportunities for people without college degrees.

Stannis – I could listen to Stephen Dillane read the phone book as Stannis Baratheon.

Ser Davos – OMG! Did he know Syrio!?

Prince Oberyn – Shows up in town for a wedding. Spends his days in a brothel having sex with men and women. Gets offered, like, 3 high-profile jobs by the most powerful man in the the 7 kingdoms.

Tyrion – I’m sure he’ll be fine. The hero never dies. /runs away crying

Pod – At no point did Pod say he turned down their offer. He’s definitely showing up at the trial to testify against Tyrion. I WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN.

White Walkers – Remember when they were marching towards the wall at the beginning of season one? Did they all melt?

I’ll be on the Sporting News podcast with Bill Voth and Matt Lutovsky this morning to talk about this week’s episode of Game of Thrones. In case you didn’t get enough of my voice in the above video* You can listen to last week’s podcast here. I’ll update this with a link when the new one goes up. [update: here is this week’s podcast]

*How can you tell when a blogger copy & pastes? When he accidentally – and falsely – identifies himself as Vanessa Carlton.

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