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Game of Thrones: "Book of the Stranger" Recap

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Jon Snow – Remember last week when Jon Snow executed four traitors and then took off his cape and walked off with the very badass and meaningful “My watch has ended?” Well, I guess he got to the front door of Castle Black and said, “Oh shit – Forgot my suitcase!” Then he turned around and went back to pack. I guess it’s a good thing his bag wasn’t ready last week or he probably would have missed Sansa.

Jon Snow’s Hair – Is that a man bun or is that Charles Poole’s hair from 7 Days in Hell? I really hope with Superstar coming out in a couple weeks that next Sunday Andy Samberg shows up as a Westerosi tennis champion who gives Jon Snow a knowing glance.

Tormund and Brienne – Well, Tormund’s obvious love-at-first-sight crush on Brienne has the potential to be the most delightful thing in the history of the show. And I don’t think I’m the only one to notice.

Needless to say, I doubt Brienne is well-versed in dealing with sincere romantic advances.

Castle Black Doors – Should it also be noted that the arrival of Sansa, Brienne and Pod was a lot like the very first shot of the entire series? Beginning of the end? Beginning of second part of the story? Or just a super cool way for three people to wait for a door to open!?

Sansa – How good did it feel to see a Stark reunion? After too many near-reunions, this is the first time two of Ned’s kids have been together since Bran and Rickon and nobody cared about them so this is the first one that counts since season 1, when Sansa and Arya were arguing about what a jagweed Joffrey was around the lunch table at King’s Landing.

Night’s Watch Ale – Not great! A drink for bringing together half-siblings.

Ser Davos and Melisandre and Brienne – Now, this was a short and awkward moment. “You killed my king.” “That’s in the past.” “Agreed. Also, I killed your king and that now is also in the past.” [“deal with it” shades drop from sky]

Robin Arryn – What a little turd. Did I say “little?” Kid must be 6’4″ by now.

Littlefinger – Baelish must be super annoyed that he has to manipulate Robin. An actual marionette would be so much easier.

Tyrion – Action Tyrion Lannister did a great job negotiating that 7-year slavery contract.

Slaver’s Bay – Eventually, they’re going to have to change that name.

Grey Worm – Those pantsuits make him look like he’s in an 80’s movie about secretaries trying to navigate their way up the corporate ladder. Woah. I guess that fits with this episode’s theme. That must be a power pantsuit.

Varys – When Tyrion, Grey Worm and Missandei left the masters, where did he go? Probably back to his room to think about more dwarf jokes.

Jorah and Daario – They basically did nothing but break the laws of Vaes Dothrak. Maybe they’ll help Dany pick out a new horse next episode? I just hope Jorah doesn’t end up responsible for a big greyscale outbreak.

Margaery – She has taken this much better than her brother.

Septa Unella – Enjoys reading at people. She would be insufferable on Twitter.

High Sparrow – Scrolled past Evita on Showtime in the minutes before Game of Thrones last night and was pretty surprised to see a much younger High Sparrow. I assume the story he told about his party took place sometime in this period of his life. And I’d very much like for Bran to drop in on that party and show us just how hard the High Sparrow was living back then.

Maester Pycelle – That’s how you make an exit.

Cersei – Getting the banned back together!

Theon – I have no idea how Theon is going to help his sister do anything. The most effective thing he’s done to help someone in the last 5 years is jump off a tall building into a snow bank.

Ramsay – Only a fool keeps one knife on him while peeling apples. Ramsay is no fool. Unless you think it’s foolish to start peeling one apple, set that apple down, and then start to peel a different apple. This guy really is nuts.

Asha – RIP. You had a nice run calling people “lord” in a very sarcastic tone.

Brinne and Tormund – So good. Especially, Edd’s reaction. Man, I really hope Pod has to pass notes between those two.

Ramsay (pt 2) – He’s a letter writer on par with Hemingway or O’Keeffe. Come and see!

Sansa (pt 2) – This is not an amicable separation. I’m glad Reek isn’t around to see this.

Jon Snow (pt 2) – He’s got a pretty great little crew there. Plus 2,000 wildlings. Hard to say if this or the King’s Landing fight will be the big one this season. Got to be Jon Snow – Ramsay Bolton. Wonder if the Karstarks will switch sides again?

Dany – First, I don’t think Emilia Clarke is getting that nudity equality she wanted. Second, I guess everything in Vaes Dorthrak is flammable. That’s convenient. Or maybe Jorah and Daario doused that temple in gasoline? And on the second viewing, they obviously barred the door, so good job guys.

Turns out that even if you’re Daenerys Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, called Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons, there is no badass way to knocked over a standing planter. Even if it is holding fire instead of azaleas.

That’s twice now that Dany has emerged from the flames.