Friends Don't Let Friends Celebrate New Year's During the CFB Playoff

By Stephen Douglas
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College football fans abide by one rule – NO WEDDINGS DURING COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON!

Why?

TRICK QUESTION! You should know that answer or you’re not a real COLLEGE FOOTBALL FAN. That’s right, loser. College football is the most important thing in the world. Some people call a wedding the most important day in a person’s life. Those people have obviously never seen Alabama beat an unranked team by 50 in late September. That’s a date you celebrate until death do you part. What’s better? Some young people you’ll never meet beating a cupcake, or two good friends cutting an overpriced cake? There is no choice. College football is more important.

Unfortunately, weddings are no longer the only annoyances college football fans must deal with. Did you know that some people maniacs are planning New Year’s Eve parties for the same night as the College Football Playoff Semifinals? It’s true. And sad.

What are they thinking!? New Year’s Eve is for COLLEGE FOOTBALL. No real sports fan would dare plan a New Year’s Eve party for December 31st. That’s the night that Clemson plays Oklahoma and Michigan State plays Alabama.

If you want a New Year to last, you don’t start it during college football season. Seriously, what is wrong with people!? New Year’s Eve is for ball catches, not ball drops.

DVR Pitbull’s New Year’s Revolution and watch it next weekend when there’s a giant hole in your social calendar and your heart. Next weekend there will be only one college football game remaining in the season. What a great opportunity to get together and debate conference supremacy.

So be a good person and don’t plan, host, or attend a party on New Year’s Eve. Stay home and watch college football. That way, everyone will know you’re a great person. College football is life and life is good. Happy New Year – but only if you celebrate it any other night.

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