Fireworks Shows Are a Waste of Time and Money

President Trump Hosts Independence Day Fireworks At Mount Rushmore
President Trump Hosts Independence Day Fireworks At Mount Rushmore / Scott Olson/Getty Images

Fireworks are a great idea on paper. Loud noises, big flashy lights. Some third thing that is good about them. I'm not sure what that is, but it must exist because every year millions of people around America and the world gather together to watch them for various reasons. In the United States, our biggest annual excuse is the 4th of July. Could all those people really be wrong?

Yes. Aside from the lights and noises, there's not much to get excited about. They're loud, which means they can be best classified as noisy. Dogs don't like them and dogs are good so that says something right there.

Then there's the inconvenience. If you want to go see a real fireworks, it's a big hassle. If you have kids, forget about it. You're lugging them around past their bedtime. Unless you're in the middle of a city, you have to drive. If you live in a city, you have to find somewhere high enough to see everything. If you don't live in a city, you probably have to drive somewhere. Either into a crowded metropolitan area or just outside one. You need to find parking and then walk. Or you get the honor of sitting on your car or in a camping chair. Fun!

And then there are the crowds. Prior to 2020, the crowds were annoying. You're standing there in the middle of a few hundred or thousand strangers, craning your neck, looking straight up as you all sing out a chorus of "oooh" and "ahhh." Get real. It's dumb.

And after all that, you have to get home. Walk. Public transportation. Drive. Traffic. Cops everywhere for crowd control, which only slows things down even more.

Of course, the alternative is someone putting on a smaller, more dangerous show in your neighborhood. Best case scenario is this classic video with NSFW language. This is the height of the bootleg fireworks genre. It will never be topped without someone dying.

So let 2020 be the blueprint. Defund fireworks shows. Stop gathering in large crowds to see lights in the sky.