Fernando Tatis Jr. Learned This Selfish Behavior From His Dad


Fernando Tatis Jr. hit a grand slam on a 3-0 pitch up seven runs in last night's San Diego-Texas game. Management from both teams would have preferred he take that pitch because baseball is a gentlemen's game. The exciting event predictably sparked a less-exciting debate over the acceptability of hitting a baseball so far in that particular situation.

Because, as we all know, the way to grow the game is to highlight its lamest elements and have casual sports fans engage only on those. Most rational people can see the abject joylessness in the air and run as far as humanly possible from it. And perhaps Tatis Jr. is one of those minds who knows how things have always been done yet has decided to circle the parking lot with his middle finger to convention like an Eminem superfan did for fun in the early 2000s.

What's more likely, though, is that a perfect mix of nature and nurture brought him to this place. He grew up around the game and inherited an insatiable, historic hunger for grand slams from his father. Tatis the elder's unquenchable desire for four RBI at a time led him to blast two salamis in one inning against the Dodgers on April 23, 1999.

No one man should have all that power within a half-inning. The burden is just too great.

And then there are the ethical issues. Tatis did not need to hit two grand slams in a row. He only needed the first. The second was extraneous, an exercise in self-aggrandizing and greed. Like, an opposite-field single would have done the trick the second time around. No need to rub it in.

Just think. No one else is Major League history has hit two in a single inning before or since. That can't be because they weren't physically capable. Nay, part of the calculus has to include the idea that they shouldn't defy the unwritten rules of both God and man.

Tatis Jr. was just shy of five-months-old when this display took place. Doctors and scientists will tell you that it would have had little to no impact on him. On the other side of the coin is this commercial, which could also be science on the right message board.

Parents who hit add-on homers have kids who hit add-on homers. We should have all seen this coming.