'Fast & Furious 9' Trailer is Utter Insanity

Dom Torretto escaping certain death once more
Dom Torretto escaping certain death once more /

I am a noted fan of the Fast and the Furious franchise. We'll get that out of the way to start. I have both ranked all the movies and explained why they are, in fact, the greatest action movie franchise of the 21st century. Whether or not you agree with me, you need to watch this trailer.

It is the newest and presumably last trailer for F9, originally scheduled for release in May of 2020. It's absurd. There is so much happening. And it really might rank up there in terms of the best action movie trailers ever. Just... watch it.

John Cena. Dominic Torretto's brother. Somehow estranged despite the fact that Dom's catchline usually involves family. I really doubted they could top Vin Diesel vs. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson fist fights or even Vin Diesel vs. Jason Statham fist fights, but bringing in the legendary John Cena really ought to do it. They actually have flying cars this time around, despite Brian O'Conner insisting cars do not fly in Furious 7. Using magnets to send enemy vehicles careening through buildings is somehow cooler than dragging a safe through the streets of Brazil.

For those extremely in the know, one particular scene stood out among all others: Dom in the car with Helen Mirren, who plays the mother of Deckard and Owen Shaw. This is notable because Mirren has said her greatest ambition is to be a "mad driver" in a Fast and the Furious movie:

"“My great ambition is to be in a Fast and Furious movie,” said Mirren. “I so want to be a mad driver in a Fast and Furious movie. My claim to fame is I always do my own driving — I was on Top Gear, and I did [my lap] in a very good time."

“I keep putting it out there, and they never ask me,” she added. “I’ll be in Fast and Furious 8. I have to say Vin Diesel is brilliant. I love Vin Diesel. He’s a great guy, smart — I love him. It’s partly because of him I’d like to be in one, but also the driving."

Now she finally will! And if there is anything these movies are doing for The Greater Good other than providing us with the best car action scenes ever, it's making sure Helen Mirren is heavily involved in said car action scenes.

This is just freaking ridiculous. Ludacris will fly a car. It seems the final action scene of the movie involves Dom driving a semitruck into an oncoming stealth jet. Han is back and we still don't know why he's still alive. They're even involving the guy from Tokyo Drift, the forgotten child of the franchise.

This will be the first movie I see after I am fully vaccinated. My god. I cannot wait. If you cannot embrace the ridiculous, farcical, and over-the-top action scenes of the franchise, embrace the joy that comes with its arrival and the nearing of our return to normal. Because nothing will feel more like pre-pandemic times than getting to a movie theater, sitting down, and watching things blow up and cars do things cars are not supposed to do while Vin Diesel slugs a corona and preaches the importance of family.