Everyone Meet America's New Favorite Athlete: St. Thomas Bobcats Pitcher Ben Ancheff

Prepare your eyes for the most majestic thing you have ever seen.

Ok, you ready? Wah-lah!

This is St. Thomas University Pitcher Ben Ancheff, and he was on his way to leading the Bobcats to a NAIA World Series championship — until he was forced to leave the game with an arm injury.

If Jared Lorenzen and Kenny Powers ever had a baby together, I imagine this is what it would look like:

Heck, he even makes Bartolo Colon look like he’s got the physique of Calista Flockhart.

He’s got AGILITY. Look at that feline quickness off the mound.

…and most importantly: HE HITS BOMBS!!! (and by bombs I mean he had a .417 average, 2 home runs, and 8 RBIs as a junior in high school … BUT STILL!)

Yeah, his ERA might be a little high … yeah, his Strikeout/Walk ratio isn’t ideal …

…but what makes Ben so perfect is that he’s not perfect. He’s one of us, an inspiration to every “Ugh, I’ve gained 10 pounds the past month, but, I don’t want to get off the couch today — I just want to sit here and stuff my face with pizza rolls” guy out there. Ancheff is a shining example that you can be the pizza roll-eating bro you’ve always wanted to be … get a scholarship to play sports … AND get the ladies:

Ben Ancheff, I think I speak for everyone when I say: never change. You are beautiful “in every single way…”

(H/T SB nation for the beautiful video/music mashup)