I don't know how he's managed to do it but credit to ESPN's Dan Orlovsky for carving out a very niche market in the world of sports media as the lovable goof who might shock, delight, and horrify his audience by informing them he's never heard of feta cheese or sleeps in a big, wet sleeping bag all night instead of showering or whatever the case might be. If he were a different guy we'd be convinced there was a bit going on but no one is closer to an earnest alien who has landed on this strange planet and is slowly being introduced to the ways of humankind. And to be perfectly clear, it's profoundly likable, even if it is all a bit hard to comprehend.
Like, for instance, today he discovered... wheels?
In an expert bit of product placement and self-promotion, Orlovsky casually mentioned that he was using a roller bag for the first time ever instead of a duffel bag while traveling to Dallas.
He is simply the best. Absolutely murdering my shoulders and biceps to carry a bag stuffed to the gills with now-wrinkly clothes would have been exactly what I did at 24. It is truly a miracle I was ever able to get married and through that I have also learned all sorts of important lessons about how often towels should be washed and how duvet covers work. And how to pack for a trip. Then how to swiftly and efficiently move through an airport without risking rotator cuff surgery.
The point here is that it's never too late to grow up and from one 39-year-old to another it is cathartic and heartwarming to vicariously observe someone having their eyes opened to this beautiful world. Ultimate respect to Dan for just being Dan.