Entourage: House On Fire

The final season starts with movie star Vincent Chase getting out of rehab. Vinny has been sober for 90 days. In those 90 days he has gotten super serious about his work and started acting like a chillbro Dhali Lama. Also, he wrote a really bad script that no one is actually going to read before dismissing because he’s Vinny Chase and Vinny Chase hasn’t had a thought run through his head once in the first 7 seasons.

The main conflict in Episode 1 is that Vince is mad at Eric for a reason I have already forgotten. (He didn’t believe in him? Ah, business before friendship or something. Conflict!) So Vince calls everyone except for E for a ride home. E is surprised and hurt that Vince calls 10 separate people for a ride home, but hasn’t spoken to  him. Each time it is revealed that someone else will be picking Vince up, Eric is shocked that this person knows Vince is getting out that day despite the fact that it’s probably around day 90. Also, there are a hundred people with signs screaming and cheering for Vince as he leaves rehab. It seems that everyone in this fictitious universe knows Vince is getting out on that day. Vince must have made a lot of phone calls. Which is also bullshit because how many phone numbers have you been given in the last 5 years that you know off the top of your head. The first 7 seasons of this show were based on how stupid Vincent Chase is and we’re supposed to believe that he can rattle off friend’s phone numbers without his smart phone? Bullshit.

Also, Vince is suprised that his 13 rides come in multiple cars.

Other things we may have forgotten: Eric and Sloan broke up. Turtle and Mrs. Ari are on a hunger strike. E and Scott Caan run a business of some sort now or something. Andrew Dice Clay is relevant.

When did Sloan and Eric break up? Did that happen last season? I honestly don’t remember. Though their phone conversation convinced me that they hate each other. Also, Sloan returning the ring through the mail – the reverse-Roy Williams.

Turtle and Mrs. Ari both need to sit down and split a sandwich. With the burgeoning tequila company, you would think he would but some clothes that fit. Seriously though, somebody feed Perry Reeves.

E and Tweeter have now taken over a company. Their Moby Dick is – and I had to look this up – Johnny Galecki. The guy from The Big Bang Theory is their Vincent Chase. (And who walks away from an apple like that?) Big name clients like Johnny Galecki and unbuttoned flannels with Yankee t-shirts are how you rule Hollywood.

By the way – We’re supposed to believe that a 3-month stint in rehab is putting Vinny’s career in jeopardy. Think about that. Is nothing in Entourage realistic… wait, I just found a quote by Vince that I wrote down. “I watched a lot of news while I was in there.” Beautiful.

As for the house fire… So brilliant. See, they start the season by making you think everything isn’t going to work out in a town like this even if you have friends like that. Turtle, who has been smoking weed for 100 years or so, disposes of a joint by throwing it out a window. Now, I’m no big pot head, but I know enough about the construction of the marijuana cigarette that it’s not the fastest burning material. The idea that a tiny roach has a mansion up in flames in less than 5 minutes might be the most unbelievable thing that I’ve ever seen on television. And this is in the same episode where Vincent Chase wrote a script when his previous longest written work was a sext.

Don’t ever change, Entourage.