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Darren Rovell Addresses His Nipples, Rory McIlroy's Nipples, Nipples in General

Rory McIlroy won the Tour Championship this weekend and did so with his nipples visible more often than not. This is a small sacrifice to make en route to $15 million, but distracting nonetheless. McIlroy has, by all accounts, a world-class chest so the protruding was at least visually pleasing to some people. But sports business expert Darren Rovell does have a worthwhile point to make about Nike golf shirts and the proliferation of pointy objects on the PGA Tour.

This is how he chose to convey that message, and we’re going to advise you to find a private place or at least put on some headphones for your own good.

Perhaps this is my unfortunately smooth brain speaking, but about halfway through, this began to feel as if I were watching some sort of bizarre brand-forward Seinfeld reboot in which several episodes were mashed together.

“It’s just a nipple” is unmistakably from Elaine’s NSFW Christmas cards. Extra padding for a male’s chest sounds a lot like the Bro or Manssiere. Then there was all the talk of heading to the U.S. Open and embarrassment when everyone knows full well that Rovell is likely to house a great amount of ice cream for the content at some point this tournament.

Just a weird, wild ride.

And look, I’m not an expert on either fashion or nipples, but I believe one thing that can be done to combat nipple protrusion is to wear some sort of undershirt. That may not be a realistic option for a golfer who needs to be free and unencumbered out on the course. On the other hand, it’s a market Nike and others could really tap into.

Just thinking about it will get the executives’ excitement showing through their shirt.