NFL Players Stand United: Dale From 'The Bachelorette' Is a Snack

Kyle Koster
Oct 28, 2020, 4:57 PM EDT
Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images
facebooktwitter

This season of The Bachelorette is awful. Chris Harrison has been teased several times telling Clare Crawley that she's broken the franchise, something anyone with eyes and a lucid memory of any Bachelor in Paradise episode could see coming a mile away. Thankfully, she'll soon leave, ostensibly with Dale Moss, who is to her universe as Copernicus' sun was to him.

Seriously, she won't stop talking about him. Like a financially zealous television executive from Itchy & Scratchy, she's *this* close to demanding all the characters talk about Dale whenever he's not in the room. And if you think any of this is embellishment know that I am actually underselling it.

Anyway, this Dale guy. He is not bursting at the seams with personality. Literally the only two things most people know about him is that his name is Dale and he's unreasonably handsome. Like, uncomfortably handsome. In a persuasive way. I am a happily married man with children yet would fly with him to sun in the Greek islands the moment he called. Or take the fall for a serious crime so I would be aging in jail while he graced the world with his Adonis-like looks.

Dominik Bindl/Getty Images

A modern-day Gaston, he had a cup of coffee on the practice squad of numerous NFL teams. And word got around that his facemask was serving an important civic service in keeping his moneymaker in tact.

ESPN's Mina Kimes, appearing on the latest Bachelor Party podcast, spilled some iced tea via her NFL Live co-star Dan Orlovsky. Full context here at the 19-minute mark, and, as always it's best to listen to the full exchange. Essentially, Orlovsky's inside intel was that NFL players, just like us plebes, were also struck by how handsome ol' Dale is. And the consensus is that he was well-liked and a nice guy while pursuing his dream of becoming a Rudy at the professional level.

Something positive. Some guys have it all!

If you're curious, Dale never accumulated any stats in the NFL. This season has shown he has a terrible sense of clock management, which his turned him into a bit of a villain around the La Quinta complex all the bros are staying in, though he does show a knack for body control as evidenced by his clever footwork while shielding another contestant from a real game-speed boner during an awkward shift change in Clare's room.

facebooktwitter