Increase My Metaverse Drip? In This Economy?

Rosette Nebula In Monoceros. Creator: Nasa.
Rosette Nebula In Monoceros. Creator: Nasa. / Heritage Images/Getty Images

Via a tweet that made all nearby bones grow brittle and explode like that overconfident bad guy in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, I was informed that Crytokickers and Wilson Chandler want me to lace up in some new NFT sneakers to increase my Metaverse drip. It is a request that at this time, I do not believe I will be fulfilling absent further clarification on a few of the finer points.

Like, what the actual hell is going on here?

Per open-source informational websites, the Metaverse is "a collective virtual shared space, created by the convergence of virtually enhanced physical reality and physically persistent virtual space, including the sum of all virtual worlds, augmented reality, and the Internet."

By that fungible token, I was blissfully unaware that I had a Metaverse drip, which would seem to simply be the clothes I am wearing while blogging. Or only the sartorial items that are mentioned in a post or on a podcast? Or only the non-fungible items, which do not actually exist outside the imagination?

This is a totally new thing to worry about. Especially for someone who is approaching the age where anything drip-related probably requires a trip to the doctor. And since this blog has already swerved dangerously into Andy Rooney territory, let's just steer into the skid.

A quick visual scan of my closet reveals 13 pairs of shoes, total. This is an absurdly embarrassing number because it's about double what was expected. Many serve specific function — like basketball or baseball or lawn-mowing — so it's not too terribly indulgent.

Looking at these shoes, which all get some use and collectively cost approximately $800 at purchase times, I can't help but feel like they amount to a tremendous waste of resources. Only one can go on my feet at a given time. So it is absolutely inconceivable that people are buying imaginary sneakers only to tell people they've purchased imaginary sneakers.

Do not get it twisted. The hustle is incredible and if enough people want to buy a product, who cares what this professionally out-of-touch dinosaur has to say about it? Working through personal struggles to understand the world in public and in real-time at this small scale will change nothing.

It's just that it was a hell of a sentence to read. And a present to realize.