The Boston Celtics Are Trying to Win a Championship With a Coach Who Watches 'The Town' Four Times Every Week

Adam Glanzman/GettyImages

This is old news because it was first reported back in January. On the other hand it's the only thing anyone should ever be talking about and now seems hauntingly relevant to the story arc of this year's NBA season.

There's no easy way to say this nor is there a way to say it that won't cause an immediate, visceral, and negative reaction. Especially if you're a Boston Celtics fan.

In addition to his other adult duties, 34-year-old coach Joe Mazzulla watches The Town four times every week.

That is eight hours and 16 minutes of time with Ben Affleck, Jeremy Renner, Jon Ham, Rebecca Hall and an extraordinary web of ancillary supporting actors like Chris Cooper, Pete Postlethwaite and Blake Lively.

This is America so he is perfectly within his rights to do this. And to be clear, it's a very good movie. TBL founder Jason McIntyre, if memory serves, once put it in his top-10 or something and nearly caused a virtual riot in the gone-but-not-forgotten comment section.

There's just no reason any person, whether they are managing one of the most prestigious franchises in all of sports or not, should be screening the same flick 208 times per year. Children included because God knows they will try. My oldest attempted to do it with Home Alone and we had to have an intervention with charts and graphs and distressing images of how smooth a brain might become by forcing it to live in a fogyish, Groundhog Day-like state for, like, five percent of the time it's awake and and operating.

Look, I am not a psycho. I know that it doesn't matter that Mazzulla sees more of Titus Welliver than the actor's actual family. On the other hand, it does matter when the first-year coach gets taken out like an out-of-shape money truck guard by Erik Spoelstra in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Final thanks to a 46-25 third quarter in favor of the Miami Heat.

Mazzulla did the only thing he loves as much as Fergus loves telling Doug that if there's a heaven his mother isn't in it, which is standing idly by and refusing to use any of the generously allotted timeouts the NBA provides. Yes, this is what he does and there's no right or wrong way to use these stoppages as long as your team wins but also sometimes it's important to take a beat to let things cool off. To put it in terms he might understand, when your new girlfriend from the bank job you and your buddies pulled the other day is about to see a neck tattoo that's going to blow things up irrevocably, you react and do what can be done to cover it up and prevent the situation.

Celtics fan and driving force behind the incredible Rewatchables episode breaking down the seminal film in question Bill Simmons spoke for all Sports Guys in the Northeast last night by pointing out the difference between a coach who has already cemented a spot in the Basketball Hall of Fame and one that puts in what amounts to a full day of work every week watching the same shoot-em-up flick.

Boston did not lose last night because Mazzulla devotes an incredible amount of time to watching The Town. It's actually kind of cool that he's found something to connect him to the city whose hopes and dreams he carries on his shoulders. And this is a really cool shirt.

But I don't even know if it's a crazy loser who calls into the Sports Hub take to say that knowing this, then seeing what amounts to easily avoidable incompetence on the biggest stage is a surefire recipe to question some things. It doesn't seem too much to ask for Jayson Tatum or one of the other players being asked to hurt some people and never ask Mazzulla about it afterwards to suggest perhaps utilizing all the weapons available to compete the Eastern Conference heist.

Timeouts included.