Breaking Down the Entire Card of "Exotic" Super Bowl Prop Bets
By Kyle Koster
Nothing feeds the degenerate gambler’s soul quite like being down $500 before kickoff. Whether you bet on sports regularly, or, just want to have something to root for in the big game … here are your list of “Exotic” prop bets, via Bovada.lv….
—
How long will it take Idina Menzel to sign the US National Anthem?
Over 2 minutes 1 second (-130)
Under 2 minutes 1 second (-110)
The Bet: Everyone wants to bet the over because obnoxiously stretching out the National Anthem is really American. But, winners bet with their head — not their heart. We’re going UNDER. 1:34 for Kelly Clarkson in 2012, and 1:53 for the damn OPERA singer in 2014. Unless your name is Alicia Keys, hanging a number north of 2 minutes is a joke.
—Will Idina Menzel forget or omit at least 1 word of the official US National Anthem?
Yes (+400)
No (-600)
The Bet: YES. I don’t care how good of a singer this chick is, if you’ve got a zillion people watching you on TV — you’re going to be nervous. It’s human nature. All we need is one damn word for a 4:1 payout. Christina Aguilera forgot a whole damn verse, for god’s sake. This is an easy one.
—Will Marshawn Lynch be fined by the NFL for any incident on Media Day?
Yes (+400)
No (-600)
The Bet: YES. This has to be a typo. I honestly expected there to be a “What will Marshawn Lynch be fined for?” prop, as if it was already assumed he’s going to. It’s not a matter of ‘If’ this is going to happen, it’s ‘When’ and ‘For What’?
—Will Marshawn Lynch grab his crotch after scoring a TD in the game?
Yes (+400)
No (-600)
The Bet: This is a tough one because 1) he has to score a TD for this to even count, 2) He only does it when he breaks off a huge TD run (not a goal line). I’m going with NO -600.
—Which Coach will be mentioned first by name on TV after Kickoff?
Pete Carroll (-110)
Bill Belichick (-130)
The Bet: This line is just BEGGING you to bet on Belichick, after everything that’s happened with #DeflateGate. Can’t fool me. I can see it now: “How do you think Pete Carroll is handling all of this Belichick news?” Boom. Winner. The bet is Pete Carroll.
—Which Coach will be shown first on TV after Kickoff?
Pete Carroll (-110)
Bill Belichick (-130)
The Bet: Even though Carroll may steal the mention, there’s no chance in hell Belichick doesn’t get 85% of the air time. Belichick -130 it is.
—Which Color will Bill Belichick’s hoodie be?
Grey (-200)
Blue (+175)
Red (+700)
The Bet: When has he ever not worn grey? I feel like he wears blue once a season the same way the Chargers wear those gorgeous powder blue unis. It’s beautiful, yes, but: he aint gonna go away from the go-to on the big stage. Grey it is.
—How many times will Katy Perry be mentioned in the 1st Half?
Over 2 (-130)
Under 2 (-110)
The Bet: Under. She’ll get one teaser during the 2nd quarter, and a whole bunch of montages (which wont count towards the total).
—
Will Bill Belichick smile during the game on camera?
Yes (+150)
No (-200)
The Bet: This the same thing as just betting the Patriots to win, yes? Why would I bet Patriots PK when I can bet this prop +150? Even Darth Sidious smiled after converting Anakin Skywalker to the dark side, thus, Belichick will too. YES +150.
—Bill Belichick Hoodie Type?
Sleeves cut (-150)
Sleeves intact (+110)
The Bet: The way this week has gone, I wouldn’t be surprised if he went shirtless — let alone has sleeves on.. It’s Arizona, who wears sleeves anyways? Sleeves Cut -150 it is.
—What will Katy Perry be wearing when she begins the Halftime show?
Pants (below knees) (+200)
Shorts (above knees) (+200)
Skirt or Dress (-125)
The Bet: I’m feeling leather capris. Maybe we’ll get some assless chaps. Wouldn’t put it past her. Pants +200.
—How many times will Gisele Bundchen be show on TV during the game?
Over 1.5 (-140)
Under 1.5 (EVEN)
The Bet: Has to be a live shot to count, and you gotta think she’s going to get at least 1 “in the box nervous about the game” shot, and 1 “My husband just scored!” or “We won the Super Bowl, let’s get nuts!” shot. Thus, we’re going OVER 1.5.
—Who will be shown more on TV during the game?
Robert Kraft (-200)
Paul Allen (+150)
The Bet: This feels like a sucker bet, but, not sure how Kraft doesn’t win this in a blowout.
—What color will Katy Perry’s hair be when she begins the Halftime show?
Black/Brown (+200)
Blue/Green (+300)
Pink/Red (+300)
Blonde (+400)
Purple (+500)
The Bet: I feel like everything is in play but blonde. It probably depends on/needs to match her outfit, which should be ludicrous, so, im booking Purple +500 AND Blue/Green +300.
—Which song will Katy Perry perform first at Halftime?
Firework (+150)
Roar (+150)
This Is How We Do (+500)
Dark Horse (+1200)
E.T. (+1200)
Wide Awake (+1200)
Last Friday Night (+1400)
Waking Up In Vegas (+2000)
The Bet: Dark Horse is going to be the anchor, we all know this. You don’t bring in 2004 Keith Foulke before the 9th inning. Firework starts kinda slow, and it’s probably her second biggest song, so, it’s the favorite for a reason. It’s gonna set the mood before all hell breaks loose. Too easy. Firework 3/2.
—Will Al Michaels refer to the point spread, total, odds on who wins game or any prop bet during the game?
Yes (+200)
No (-300)
The Bet: This is the single worst line I have ever seen in all of my years of gambling. I may or may not say that once a week, but, this time i mean it. Of all people, bookmakers should know the extent of Al Michaels’ degeneracy. Every single week on SNF, he always slides in the sneaky: “Joe Flacco had that throw COVERED from the start” … or … “That ball was incredibly UNDER-thrown by Andy Dalton” at the end of games. You can’t give Al Michaels a mic during the biggest gambling event of the year and NOT expect him to let the world know what he bet on. It’s what makes Al Michaels — Al Michaels. MAX BET on YES +200.
—Will it be mentioned during the game that Pete Carroll was the last head coach of the Patriots?
Yes (+110)
No (-150)
The Bet: I feel like this is a YES and it’s a YES early, when Michaels and Collinsworth are introducing the two opposing leaders. “The current Head Coach of the Patriots, Bill Belichick … vs. the Old Coach of the Patriots, Pete Carroll”. The perfect segway. YES +110.
—How many times will “Deflated” Balls be said to during the game?
Over 3 (-130)
Under 3 (-110)
The Bet: “IT’S A TRAP!” Don’t say that Admiral Ackbar didn’t warn you here. Red Flag City, Utah. Why is this line so low? I’ll tell you why, because there are a shitload of synonyms for “Deflated” … Emptied, Flattened, Collapsed, Shrunk, Punctured, Squashed … all of which are in play to mooch usage of the word Deflated. Give me the UNDER here, and give it to me big.
—What will the Nielsen Rating of the game be?
Over 47.5 (-120)
Under 47.5 (-120)
The Bet: Over. Everyone wants a piece of #DeflateGate, regardless if you like sports or not.
—Which region will have the higher Nielsen Rating?
Boston (+110)
Seattle (-150)
The Bet: Gotta go with the bigger market here. Boston (7) vs. Seattle (14). And I’m getting juice? Boston +110 FTW.
—How many viewers will the game have?
Over 113 Million (-120)
Under 113 Million (-120)
The Bet: Over because Goodell is the devil.
—What will be higher?
Russell Wilson Passing Yards -15.5 (-120)
US National Average Gas Price (in cents) on Monday, February 2nd +15.5 (-120)
The Bet: Too much thinking, so, give me the points. Gas Price +15.5. Come through for me one time Saudi Arabia.
—Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first in his interview?
Teammates (+150)
God (+500)
Fans/City (+750)
Coach (+1200)
Family (+1200)
Owner (+1200)
Does not mention any of the above (+200)
The Bet: You’re essentially betting on or against Tom Brady here. If he wins, he’s thanking his teammates. It’s what he does. Any of the other front runners are thanking God. God +500 because God should never be as high as +500 for anything.
—What Color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the Head Coach of the Winning Super Bowl Team?
Orange (+150)
Yellow (+250)
Clear/Water (+300)
Blue (+750)
Red (+750)
Green (+1000)
The Bet: Everyone’s favorite prop bet. I think it was orange last year, which explains the 3/2 odds … but, this is always a crap shoot. Give me red at 15/2 because no-one drinks un-American flavors, and there will be plenty available to pour on the coach.
—Groundhog Day Parlay
Punxsutawney Phil sees shadow and Patriots win the Super Bowl (+250)Punxsutawney Phil does not see shadow and Patriots win the Super Bowl (+220)Punxsutawney Phil sees shadow and Seahawks win the Super Bowl (+275)Punxsutawney Phil does not see shadow and Seahawks win the Super Bowl (+240)
The Bet: Likely-Shitty weather means all i gotta do is pick a super bowl winner.
Punxsutawney Phil doesn’t see his shadow, and the Patriots win the Super Bowl +250.
—What will happen with the Dow Jones the day after the Super Bowl?
Market Up (-140)
Market Down (EVEN)
The Bet: Everyone will have just lost their ass betting on every single stupid exotic prop bet, so, no-one is going to be in the mood to invest money. Market Down EVEN for all the king’s gold.
—Who will Barack Obama pick to win the game?
Seattle (EVEN)
New England (-140)
The Bet: He likes the Bears, so, I guess that means he roots for the team in his team’s same conference? That’s how the SEC works, right? Seattle EVEN.
—
Super Bowl XLIX MVP – Odds to Win
Tom Brady 7/4
Russell Wilson 7/2
Marshawn Lynch 4/1
Rob Gronkowski 9/1
LeGarrette Blount 12/1
Julian Edelman 20/1
Darrelle Revis . 33/1
Doug Baldwin 33/1
Kam Chancellor 33/1
Richard Sherman 33/1
Earl Thomas 40/1
Bobby Wagner 50/1
Jamie Collins 50/1
Jermaine Kearse 50/1
Brandon LaFell 66/1
Shane Vereen 66/1
Danny Amendola 75/1
K.J. Wright 75/1
Byron Maxwell 100/1
Devin McCourty 100/1
Dont’a Hightower 100/1
Luke Willson 100/1
Malcolm Smith 100/1
Patrick Chung 100/1
Rob Ninkovich 100/1
Stephen Gostkowski 100/1
Steven Hauschka 100/1
Gonna throw this out there. If you like it, you can take it. If you don’t, send it right back.
KICKER BOWL.
VIVA LOS KICKERS.
These defenses are so good, I smell drives dying in the red zone every time.
KICKAPOLOOZA.
Gostkowski 100/1, Hauschka 100/1.
LET’S GET WEIRD.