Bill Simmons Vows to Eat a Testicle if the Raiders Make Playoffs


The Oakland Raiders’ chances to make the playoffs took a hit when the franchise opted to trade away Khalil Mack, one of the best defensive players in all of football. Bovada lists the odds at +200, down from +160. So it’s more probable than not that Bill Simmons, original Sports Guy and driving force behind The Ringer, will not have to make good on his stomach-churning promise. But there’s still a chance.

“If the Raiders make the playoffs, what’s the most disgusting thing I could eat,” Simmons said on his Guess the Lines podcast with Cousin Sal. “You know what, I’ve always swore that I’ll never eat testicles. Those, like, the brains, you know, like cow testicles are a delicacy. I’ll eat testicles on the podcast. And they can be human testicles, cow testicles, I’ll eat some pair of testicles on this podcast if the Raiders make the playoffs. It will never happen.”

Those are the words of a man very confident Jon Gruden won’t capture magic in his rookie season at the helm. Or a man looking for a reason to try something he’s never tried before. Or, you know, an offhand comment on a lighthearted podcast not to be taken seriously.

Regardless, one can think of no better motivation for the Raiders this year. Put this quote up in the locker room and channel energy in a positive direction.