Asteroid Passing Close to Earth on Sunday; NFL Avoids Armageddon Scenario

By Mike Cardillo

Did you hear the news? An asteroid, 60 feet in diameter, is going to pass over the Earth on Sunday at a distance of only 25,000 miles. The Washington Post tells me that is only one-tenth the distance between the Earth to the moon.

Wait … a … second … Sunday? That’s the NFL’s day, so I’m going to take a leap and assume the hunk of space rock was granted express-written permission to pass by our planet from Earth President NFL commish Roger Goodell. The Post writes the closest the asteroid will get is over New Zealand around 2:18 p.m. You also won’t be able to see it with the naked eye, which is good because I don’t want to miss one damn second of NFL games (and commercials) on Sunday.

What would have happened if the asteroid came a little closer, possibly interfering with NFL kickoffs? For one, we know Goodell would fine the asteroid.

If that’s not enough, he’d probably send a crack team of roughnecks to land on the asteroid. The twist? Instead of blowing up said asteroid, the team would investigate whether or not the surface of the asteroid is suitable for NFL games. Think about it, the NFL already conquered America and is trying to do the same in Europe. Let’s take it to the next level: the galaxy(*).

(*) Ah crap, I think this was sort of a plot on The Adventures of Pete & Pete, however it’s probably no coincidence that Steve Buscemi appeared in both that episode and Armageddon, is it? Yeah, it’s probably time to stop talking, isn’t it? Go football!