All These Things Are Cakes, But Why?

By Stephen Douglas
A toilet paper cake.
A toilet paper cake.
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This video has come across my timeline multiple times over the last 24 hours. This particular tweet has 33K+ retweets and nearly three million views. It is a montage of cakes that look like things that are not cakes, but as the video's title suggests - these are all cakes.

As you can see, there is a toilet paper roll cake. A Croc cake. A sudsy soap cake. They are all very convincing as things that are not cakes. But again, they totally are cakes. My question to you is... Why?

What is the purpose of these things? Who loves coconuts so much that they would want a cake shaped like a coconut? Who -- but the president of Charmin -- would enjoy a toilet paper cake? Even then, would he?

These were not made for anyone because they were all cut in a test kitchen somewhere. A kitchen where someone creates cakes that no one will ever eat. Which makes these content cakes. They exist only so that people on the Internet can look at them and say, "these are all cakes."

Not only is this wasteful, pointless and apparently done only for clicks, but it is also a distraction. We have far more important things to worry about right now than whether or not everything we see is a cake. In the cases in this video, they were all cakes, but how do I know that this computer isn't a cake? What about that bird outside on the fence? Is that a cake? Should I cut it open and check?

Even if the bird flies away before I can cut it in half, I still can't be certain it isn't a cake. Look at those cakes up there in that video. You're telling me we have that kind of cake technology but cakes can't fly? If you had asked me yesterday, I would have said there's no way, but now I live in a world of limitless cake possibilities.

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