The narrative arc of the movie that will be shopped is obvious. A man becomes the winningest coach in college football history and builds a powerhouse football program that turns him into a campus deity. When his former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky is revealed to be a pedophile and it comes out Paterno was told and helped hide the scandal, the coach was summarily fired.
Al Pacino has been attached. Pacino has played a football coach before in Any Given Sunday and I’m sure he will portray Joe Paterno with the same understated nuance that he used in Gigli.
But who will play the other main characters in this movie?
Dottie Sandusky – Betty White. Betty White is in everything.
Sue Paterno – Lily Tomlin is a comedic actress who hasn’t been in a movie in a few years, but her experience playing Kenny Powers’ mother should be a great asset.
Jay Paterno – Oscar Isaac from Sucker Punch should have no trouble playing a Paterno.
Scott Paterno – Kevin Smith used to portray Silent Bob.
PSU President Graham Spanier – The Godfather Part II … Heat … Righteous Kill … Whatever this movie is called … Robert De Niro and Al Pacino deserve to share the screen one last time.
Athletic Director Tim Curley – Aidan Gillen or Morgan Freeman. Since this is a blog post, I am obligated to mention an alum of The Wire. Gillen could pull off the look while Freeman probably just wants to play someone besides God for once.
District Attorney Ray Gricar – When this story is told, Gricar’s decision to not indict Sandusky for [pick your favorite conspiracy theory] will surely come up. Chelcie Ross, the man who played Dan Devine should be a great fit for what should become the second most-heartwarming college football movie of all-time.
PSU QB/Asst. Coach Mike McQueary
This one is obvious. Andy Dalton has the reps as a quarterback, the red hair and the ability to look lost. In a pinch, Homeland’s Damian Lewis could play McQueary. There, I just named all the famous gingers.
PSU LB/Radio personality LaVar Arrington –
Michael Clark Duncan Lester Speight will one day be asked to play Terry Crews in the story of Terry Crews. Who else, but Terry Tate, Office Linebacker could portray the two-time All-American?
Did I miss anyone?