5 Reasons I Love The Super Bowl

Super Bowl 50 is meandering toward kickoff. Here are five reasons I love it, unlike my co-worker.

It’s One Game: The NFL regular season is a marathon where teams gel or fall apart over months. No matter how hot or cold a team is, they are only as good as their last game. Every single week, a new narrative is written for everyone. EVERYONE. The Super Bowl is the final narrative of the season. We finally have a definitive answer about who sucks and who is clutch. Legacies are written and destroyed.

Food: Pizza and chicken wings! Oh, man, I love food! And that’s not even mentioning the cold low-calorie adult beverages that are advertised throughout the game! Speaking of…

Commercials: Have you seen those things? My friends and I really only watch for the commercials. They’re so funny.

Gambling: Gambling is so cool and the Super Bowl allows you to bet on everything from the coin toss to halftime boobs to whether or not someone will point out that gambling is actually illegal most places. The most important part of gambling is that fantasy football is finally and officially over. Thanks to daily fantasy you can continue to ruin your football watching experience all the way through early February. Still, you are months away from your day being ruined by fantasy football again.

Halftime Show: What’s everyone going to be talking about around the water cooler on Monday? You’ll just have to tune in to find out!

It’s a Fitting American Tradition: Consuming mass quantities of processed, high-caloric food. Buying ever evolving crap one does not need. Passively consuming content through a screen. Screens are larger, more elaborate, and more precise. They’re also smaller and more mobile. You’re paying attention to everything and nothing and barely have to pay attention to the other humans inhabiting the same room. The Super Bowl is a nexus that has defined the last 50 years.