'30 Teams in 30 Days' 2015-2016 NBA Season Preview: #28, Brooklyn Nets

  • Odds to win the 2015-2016 NBA Championship: 250:1
  • 2014-2015 Record: 38-44 (Defeated by Atlanta, East Quarterfinals).
    • 2015 Draft Results:
      • Rondae Hollis-Jefferson, University of Arizona (23rd Overall)
      • Chris McCullough, Syracuse University (29th Overall)
      • Pat Connaughton, Notre Dame University (41st Overall)
    • Key Offseason Additions: Andrea Bargnani
    • Key Offseason Losses: Deron Williams, Mason Plumlee, Mirza Teletovic, Alan Anderson
  • Projected Starting Lineup:
  • Player Salaries:
  • Season in Review:

The Good: Deron Williams is gone, and Joe Johnson will be too after this season!

The Bad: Where to start … with the exception of Brook Lopez and Mason Plumlee, every single Brooklyn Nets starter/core player had a higher individual Defensive Rating than on offense. (Meaning they individually allowed more points per 100 possessions than they or the team produced). That is not good.

In addition: there is absolutely zero talent on this roster. Once again, with the exception of Brook Lopez, Mason Plumlee, and the newly-acquired Thaddeus Young – every single player on the Nets last season had a P(layer) E(fficiency) R(ating) below the league average of 15.

While this is common on most bad rosters, it is almost an unfathomable statistic for a playoff team which is supposed to have legitimate veteran talent surrounding their own “big three”. They spent a league-high $91,218,121 on players last season. !!!!$91,218,121!!!!, that is $21 Million over the cap, AND THEY STARTED BOJAN BOGDANOVIC 5 OUT OF 6 TIMES IN THE PLAYOFFS. Let that sink in for a second. The team they lost to, the Atlanta Hawks, had a payroll ~$32 million less. That is how poor the valuation of talent is within this organization.

And worst-of-all, in the process of acquiring this overrated/overpaid talent: the Nets mortgaged their future. As a result of their “blockbuster” trades for Joe Johnson, Paul Pierce, Jason Terry, and Kevin Garnett: the Nets had to swap picks with the Hawks in 2014 AND the Celtics got to take whichever of their two was better. This year, the Hawks were allowed to swap first round picks again. In 2016, they don’t have a first-round pick at all – the Celtics own it. In 2017, the Celtics can swap whichever of the two teams’ picks is better; and in 2018 the Celtics get Brooklyn’s first rounder AGAIN. In conclusion: this franchise is irrelevant, and they will be for the next decade.

The Ugly: Joe Johnson, Same shit, different day. If ‘The Walking Dead’ Apocalypse ever became a reality, Joe wouldn’t need to worry about being eaten by zombies – because walkers wouldn’t want any part of this lifeless corpse. Calling this man “inefficient” would be a compliment. At this point in his career, he is so far past that the point of “overrated” that it shouldn’t even be an argument – he simply exists. To support this radical hypothesis, check out some of these ludicrous statistics from last season…

  • Joe Johnson’s 2014-2015 ORTG: 105 (Team: 104.4)
  • Joe Johnson’s 2014-2015 DRTG: 110 (Team: 107.4)
  • Joe Johnson’s PER: 14.1 (NBA Average = 15)
  • 33% of total FG attempts were three-pointers
  • .172 number of free throw attempts averaged per FG attempt (third lowest on entire roster)
  • 20.3% usage rate (% of the possessions he is involved in the outcome)
  • 30% of all FG attempts were mid-range jumpers between 10 feet and the three-point line.
  • Only 23% of all two-point makes were assisted

What these #s suggest is that Joe Johnson’s game is the antithesis of ball-movement, takes more mid-range jumpers than any NBA player ever should, and he doesn’t get any easy buckets. Every 100 shots he takes, he compliments that with only 17.2 free throws! How is that possible?? Everything he produces is difficult, and he may be talented enough to get his own looks, but, the quality of said looks are resulting in big picture advanced statistics that even Allen Iverson would be shocked to see. The case with Joe, as its always been: is this guy ever going to get it? Or does he just not care? The God-given ability to play basketball (consistently) well is there – there is a reason why he earned one of the biggest salaries in NBA history — but why doesn’t he ever show us?

  • Baseless God Wob

I’ve written this a couple of times in the past, but, the similarities are too on point not to repeat it here once again. The Brooklyn Nets franchise is the NBA equivalent of the Titanic, and Prokorov needs to sell this team.

He bought this bad ass ship, which he thought was invincible and would revolutionize the transportation industry.

All was well.

When it was first built, his ship stole the headlines for a month. They sold plenty of tickets, and attracted more passengers than his ships ever did in the past. The Titanic was “cool”, it was “trendy”, and it was something that the city’s neutral boat riding fans wanted to check out. They left port in a blaze of glory and hype, and were making record time across the Atlantic Ocean – thanks to their high-priced personnel, crew, and engineers.

While he had nothing but good intentions, we ultimately find out that Prokhorov spent all of the company’s $ on the ship’s fancy suites, first-class accommodations, and billboards advertising his “awesome ship” – in a city where everyone else was always going to continue to use the old, reliable ‘RMS Carpathia’ – regardless of what the Titanic offered.

If Prokhorov was going to spend billions on a boat, he probably should have invested some of that unlimited cheddar in the ship’s infrastructure – in the event, let’s say, they hit an iceberg.

Don’t get me wrong, the Titanic looks awesome on paper – but, when you find out that it’s anatomy is made of iron, and not steel … HEY, MAYBE WE MESSED UP AND SHOULD PUT ENOUGH LIFE RAFTS ON THIS THING IN CASE THIS THING SINKS.

Prokhorov didn’t care – he was so confident in his product, his mindset was “if there’s a problem, i’ll just throw money at it and it’ll go away.”

Unfortunately, Prokhorov didn’t realize (until it was too late) that ship building in Early 20th century England had a salary cap – and no matter how much money he had, his ship was always going to be made of iron, when everyone else’s was made of the more-reliable steel alloy. All of his overrated, old, ‘just a brand name’ engineers still had contracts with multiple years remaining – and because England strictly enforced the salary you could distribute to shipyard employees, he was not only paying a luxury tax to the league of English Ports, he found himself in a spot where he couldn’t even fire them/replace them with new, young talent.

The writing was on the wall for the Titanic’s most important employees. The head crewman asked for personnel decision-making authority, in addition to his Co-Captain title. He was denied, and jumped ship. Now, all of the Titanic’s overpaid employees are without a leader – and continue to show up for work with a soulless, “is it 5 O’Clock yet?” attitude – until their contracts expire. Hell, I can’t blame ’em … if I knew I was washed up and was still getting paid the type of coin like I was in the prime of my career, I probably wouldn’t care either.

Well, wouldn’t you have guessed it –  the Titanic, trying to show off its blazing speed and how much cooler it was than everyone else – hit an iceberg and sunk.

Prokhorov, don’t be a hero – get your ass off the sinking ship as fast as you can. Look at Jay-Z, the second the Titanic started taking on water … he cowardly jumped into a rescue boat with the women and children, and now he is home, safe, running his own consulting agency with high-profile captains making x10 what he did as a part owner in the Titanic.

We saw what happened to Jack when he tried to save Rose (SPOILER ALERT) – she took the life vest AND took up all the space on the floating door. Couldn’t fit two people on there my ass – they just had sex in a tiny car trunk 30 minutes prior, yet, now she can’t find a way to fit two people on a gigantic piece of wood? Even to a troll like me, that’s cold-blooded – I would usually make up some excuse like “I have to get up early tomorrow, so, you’re gonna have to go” but Rose just let the damn dude DIE. DAMN.

Anyways, Proko, do you really want to trust someone who promises “they’ll never let go”, and when you go to take quick nap – they drop you to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean? Do you want to freeze to death? Because that’s where you and the Brooklyn Nets franchise headed.

  • 2015-2016 Season Projection:
    • 28-54 Record
    • 14th Place in East
    • No Playoffs
  • Fan Mindset, as told by Hollywood:
    • King Priam, Troy


  • Baseless God Wob’s 3 Divine Questions:
  • Why is Brook Lopez so bad at rebounding?
  • How does Billy King still have a job?
  • Should Brooklyn trade Joe Johnson/take on an overpaid player’s multi-year salary to get back into this year’s draft?



#30: Philadelphia 76ers

#29: Portland Trail Blazers