Thursday, the United States Patent and Trademark Office (which must be getting sick of these requests by now) rejected Tom Brady’s application to trademark the name Tom Terrific. Unfortunately for Brady, New York Mets legend Tom Seaver had the nickname first.
With that in mind, here are 10 alternatives that we think would better suit the Patriots quarterback.
1. Tommy Tuck Rule
Look, we know it’s 18 years later. We know the rule existed at the time. But come on. In what universe was this not a fumble?
2. The Outdoorsman
In Super Bowls, he’s taken down Rams, Panthers, Eagles (though they got him back that one time), Hawks, and Falcons. Not to mention he regularly hunts Bills (which are really just bison under a different name) and Dolphins on a bi-annual basis. Seriously, the dude’s gotta be on the hitlist of every environmentalist group in America by now.
As the only quarterback with six rings, it’s only appropriate that we bestow upon him the name of the former WWE wrestler. (We also would’ve accepted Six-Gun, a la the Transformer…although Hasbro may have second thoughts on that.)
4. Tom Hat
Seriously, have you seen this?
We don’t want to know.
5. De Flater Maus
Whether you root for or against the Patriots, we can all agree on one thing. Deflategate was awful, no good, and a stain on the history of the National Football League and the human race as a whole. Okay, maybe that last one was a bit of a stretch, but…nope. Not really.
Let’s just be thankful that we got past it.
Brady’s offenses are typically high-powered and high-scoring, especially in the second half of his career – hence, rolling over the competition. Plus the name just rolls off the tongue.
7. Tom Tremendous
Can’t be Tom Terrific? Be tremendous instead. It’s still pretty great.
8. Tom Le Pew
At this point, Brady is almost as famous for endorsing cologne and dating supermodels as he is for his quarterback play. It’s become something for opposing fans to hang over his head to mock him.
9. Mr. Immortal
Brady once said he wanted to play until he was 50. That was in 2013. Today, at the age of 42, he is dangerously close to following through on his promise. Do you want to know his secret?
10. Transcendental Tom
A Facebook documentary from 2017, Tom vs. Time, revealed that Brady employs techniques such as transcendental meditation and a vegan diet to keep himself active for as long as it takes. Not really things you associate with an NFL player, but it seems to be working.