Eating Pumpkin Pie for Breakfast Every Day Far From Weirdest Thing Mel Kiper Jr. Does

Mel Kiper, thinking about
Mel Kiper, thinking about / Chris McGrath/Getty Images

ESPN's NFL Draft guru Mel Kiper Jr. has many quirks, which are largely celebrated without a larger conversation about all that's going on there. We've known for a long time that each morning brings with it a slice of pumpkin pie for breakfast. We may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like. We've known for a long time that he takes the cheese off his pizza like some sort of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and replaces it with mashed potatoes, which suggests he may be toting around a baggie of instant mashed mix at all times. But what I think is new, courtesy of a thorough interview with the New York Post's Steve Serby published yesterday, is the space-time continuum-shifting way in which he consumes television content.

Q: Favorite TV show?

A: “Dallas.” [Wife] Kim got me DVDs for every episode of “Dallas” for a birthday present three years ago. I watch it 9 o’clock every Friday night, that’s when it used to be on. She got me the DVDs of a lot of Johnny Carson’s shows, so 11:30 every night I watch Johnny Carson, Monday through Friday. That’s when “The Tonight Show” came on, 11:30.

This is incredible commitment to ... to something. Waiting until 11:30 p.m. to fire up some old Carson episodes so it can feel a bit more like it used to. Managing Friday night plans so one can be in place for a DVD episode of Dallas that could come on at any time but for some reason has to come on right at 9 p.m.

Kiper Jr. is truly one of our finest content-creators out there. There is no idiosyncrasy out there that a person wouldn't believe could be in play. Simply cannot wait for the next one. It's going to be something wild like he hasn't used a public restroom since 1987 or he rents out a printing press to reproduce old issues of the Dallas Morning News as a hobby or he has memorized every New York address to appear on-screen in the Law & Order franchise.