The NBA Draft Lottery is tonight, which is the best night of the year for downtrodden basketball fans and weirdo ping-pong ball enthusiasts alike. The Cleveland Cavaliers have the best odds to emerge with the No. 1 pick and draft Zion Williamson.
Back in January, Bill Simmons said he’d quit covering sports if the Cavs secured the top spot.
“If Cleveland wins the lottery and gets Zion, I’m quitting sports,” Simmons told Ringer NBA writer Kevin O’Connor on ‘The Bill Simmons Podcast.’ “I’m just done. I’m out. The Ringer turns into a pop culture site, you’re going to have to look for a new job. I’m done. If Cleveland wins the f—ing lottery again, I’m done. I’m done with all professional sports, I’m out.”
“I think, Zion in Cleveland…” O’Connor began.
“They do not deserve Zion!” Simmons continued.
Simmons, a noted joke-maker, was clearly joking. As the brains behind a seemingly successful and culturally important sports website, he has to follow athletics as part of his job. I emphasize. It takes a special person to grind through the various happenings in the stick-and-ball world, but someone has to do it. Many someones, in fact.
Seeing Cleveland continuously get rewarded for failure can be frustrated. But it should be said that the Knicks getting the top pick tonight would create a conspiracy theory on par with the Cold Envelope.
Now, it’s largely a good thing that the fate of Simmons’ sports coverage is not really hanging in the balance tonight. He’s responsible for a heck of a lot of good content. On the other hand, can you imagine the pageviews on a live feed of him watching tonight’s event if the stakes were real?
Also, it’s worth doing some self-reflection. What would it take you to just check out of sports forever?