Miami Dolphins wide receiver Chad Johnson was arrested Saturday night on charges of domestic violence, as he allegedly head-butted his wife, Evelyn Lozada.

Lozada reportedly suffered lacerations on her forehead and has been hospitalized for “several hours.” The confrontation was apparently driven by a receipt for a box of condoms, which immediately begs the obvious question, people still hang on to receipts, like, actual paper receipts?

While this heaping mess is still being sorted out, the instant and tremendously stupid media outrage has been predictably asinine, led by Gregg Doyel of CBS Sports:

Some folks deserve benefit of the doubt. An erratic, narcissistic serial jerk like Chad Ochocinco isn’t one of ‘em.

But of course. Because we don’t like someone — and we certainly don’t, because Chad is no media darling — said person does not deserve the benefit of the doubt. What a joke. Johnson sure as hell might be guilty here, but I love the idea that the outcome is already determined for a player who has kept himself out of horrific news for his entire NFL career. This is just another embarrassing, deplorable example of a sports reporter typing with an emotionally-sensitive fanny pack, a trend all-too familiar.

Johnson won’t be released until he appears in front of a judge, so he could be hanging with Adebisi until Monday morning.

And yes, Johnson said he was going to get arrested on the most recent episode of Hard Knocks, so perhaps this was all part of the plan: