The Eephus Pitch is the Purest Thing in Sports

Kyle Koster
Zack Greinke Eephus pitch.
Zack Greinke Eephus pitch. / Denis Poroy/Getty Images

It's 2020. The world is on fire. Most things are bad if not very bad. Few things bring humanity hope. And yet the eephus pitch remains. We absent-mindedly tune into baseball on the off chance a slow-ass throw takes its sweet time traveling 60 feet, six inches. When it happens, oh baby. That's the good stuff Kenny Chesney and that old guy were talking about.

Houston's Zack Greinke went back to the proven well yesterday against the Padres, offering up a 54 mph delivery to Trent Grisham, who had no choice but to look at it with the same befuddlement a dad experiences when he endeavors to build a playset in the backyard and there are no fewer than 928 different pieces.

Greinke then dusted Grisham with a dart on the outside black on the next pitch, which seems inherently unfair.

I am in no position to tell you what to do with your free time or your killing-time-during-your-workday but it might be worth checking out this walk down memory lane did earlier this summer chronicling some of the slowest pitches in baseball history. Like, personally I forgot that Dave LaRoche recorded a punchout by recreating a Bugs Bunny commercial before being reminded every several years.

One cannot imagine the amount of jubilant hooting and hollering that must have taken place in the Bronx following this blessed event. Shame they didn't keep advanced metrics like that back then,.