The Rats Who Can Drive Tiny Cars Should Race and It Should Be On Television

Kyle Koster

In their infinite wisdom, scientists taught rats how to drive tiny cars to show "that an enriched environment can improve cognitive function and help sharpen the ability to learn complex tasks." The driving is supposed to calm the little rodents down when they're feeling stressed. Like when they're worrying about paying the mortgage or the hole in the ozone layer or whatever it is that rats worry about.

This is a very good thing for humanity because it has yielded a short video of these little guys zipping around with no real destination in mind and no regard for an expedient route.

It's a reminder that mankind is capable of so much if we just put our minds to it. Here some very smart people saw a problem -- that rats weren't driving tiny cars -- and fixed it. Inspiring stuff.

But let's complete the job and take the next logical step. Get them to race. Put it on television.

That's a free idea to any network looking to improve ratings. If I know one thing it's that Americans want nothing more than to see a bunch of Stuart Littles out there trading paint. Live sports rights are the most valuable real estate in television and a literally rat race would draw in sports fans and non-sports fans alike. Curiosity may have killed the cat but it will buoy this endeavor.

The fantasy and gambling potential is very risk. In an increasingly cynical world, bettors want to know they're getting into something fixed. And friends, if scientists can teach these animals to throw a race, that will only be another crowning achievement.

Let's make this happen.