Nation Screeches to a Halt As ESPN Airs Footage of Peyton Manning Eating

The Manning brothers were back for another Monday night and every 50-year-old who wears khakis and sweater vests celebrated by inviting one of their slightly rowdy friends — who is also an actuary and scratch golfer — over to watch Patrick Mahomes and the once-mighty Kansas City Chiefs struggle to score more points than Daniel Jones' New York Giants. Early in the third quarter, casual conversation turned toward the act of cutting something up, which provided the perfect window for ESPN2 to air exclusive and unedited footage of Peyton Manning chowing down on some food with great intensity.

"Showing halftime highlights," the elder Manning bemused. "Is anything off-limits? What's the HIPAA of TV?"

As with literally everything these guys do, the Springsteen-loving sports media crowd, uh, ate it up. For my money, I thought it was a completely normal way to eat food and if you're using a knife and a fork to eat chicken like that you're trying way too hard to impress someone. Honestly, it's kind of nice to see someone in a cozy quarter-zip show signs of primal hunger and aggression. One rarely sees it.

The next logical step here is to incorporate foodstuffs into future episodes to expand the brothers' endorsement portfolio. Not ruling out the possibility this was the first of many.