Here's This, Since We're Writing News Stories Based On Kelly Stafford's Instagram Stories

Kyle Koster
Kelly Stafford posted an Instagram story.
Kelly Stafford posted an Instagram story. / Aaron J. Thornton/Getty Images

A new Matthew Stafford rumor rose from the ashes of a dead horse briefly yesterday before disappearing into the wind as the nothing it always was. It turns out, as we knew all along, he doesn't secretly want to be traded and the Detroit Lions aren't going to trade him.

It's been a long, strange path this offseason and the journey was largely sprung from a Detroit News article heavily reliant on an ambiguous Kelly Stafford Instagram post. And anyone who has dabbled with writing a screenplay to show those girls from high school that you aren't a loser after all knows that a good story arc includes a callback. Closing the circle is important.

So it's only natural that the Illuminati have brought back Mrs. Stafford into the story via Instagram stories.

Here she is proclaiming herself and quarterback husband Bad Boys for life who ain't going nowhere.

What could it mean, you ask? Possibly that they ain't going anywhere.

One would think this will be the absolute end of this, but those are nothing if not famous last words.